Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Internet Trolls and Real Trolls..

Ok, so everyone has probably noticed a troll or two on the interwebby thing. After all I'm sure that everyone who reads my blog has probably been on a forum or two and noticed that there is always one complete tosser who decides to be a troll and post completely bloody useless things on there.

Well it seems that I've picked up a couple of them who post in the comments section of my blog.
Really it's quite a shame that they don't think they can post anything constructive apart from telling me I'm a clott. Well, to be honest, you've had your 4.75 seconds of fame, now you can sod the fuck off you wanker. Perhaps you'll understand that!

However what really upsets me is the real trolls.. the ones who call 999 saying: "XYZ is doin' this innit?!!" then when all the police cars turn up and we need some firm evidence against XYZ because clearly there isn't any firm evidence evident to the attending officers - so we go back to 'real troll' to ask for a statement we get something like: "Well it's like this mush yeah... well ahh I don't like tha Gavva's ya, so like well ummm, I wouldn't have call yous, so like get outta my hallway right before I make a complaint about yas... right!"
So of course XYZ is released later that day, or when they sober up, which ever comes first.. with no charges as no evidence was forthcoming...

Now here goes the fun bit.. this is clearly a TROLL as the've called the police either faking a 999 emergency for the fun of it, or possibly even making up the entire story of the incident just to see if Police do something.. they create endless bloody ludicrous paperwork and make the public worry that there are even any police (despite their police precept going up again this year)..
And all we can give out is a Penalty Notice for wasting police time... personally speaking.. let's go arrest the trolls and put them before the courts.. see what the courts think of wasthing their time because of the trolls wasting police time!!


  1. I am a nice troll, I only write nice things :-)

  2. I hope as may opinion differs from urs occassionally, that i'm not one of ur trolls.

    Incidentally, i'm all for getting rid of PNDs and putting them all in front of the beak - instead of this economy justice crud that goes on now.

  3. PC Blogg's a Clott12 August 2009 at 14:24

    Getting touchy there,eh Plod.

    You have an O'Level in woodwork or something and you were too stupid to join any reasonable profession.

    The police were the only organisation with standards low enough to accept you. Weren't they.

    NOBODY respects you!!! Gasp!

    Drag 'em before the courts.

    Make 'em show me some "respect"

    You complete and utter brain-dead, parasite.

  4. At least you have avoided Doctor Melvin's patronising prose.

  5. MP and BE, nope, nothing from you guys.. I like your posts thanks ;-) Keep up with them, it's nice to have proper feedback unlike the prime example below..

    Quote: "PC Blogg's a Clott said...
    Getting touchy there,eh Plod."

    Club member? most definitely!

  6. Wasting police time should be considered a more serious offence than it is. Where I work we get tonnes of nonsense calls where the caller says something pretty urgent is happening just to get faster police attention. There should be something we can do about that because it means we are less able to deal with the real stuff!

  7. PC Blogg's a Clott16 August 2009 at 08:58

    Right Charlie @22:57

    People have to hype up the reports otherwise you sad soeey lot of Argos security rejects would *never* show.

    If you're not skiving then it's chasing thoughtcrimes, attending racial awareness courses and suing each other for sexual harrassment....

  8. Riiiiiiiiight, and while someone is calling to tell us his front door being smashed in by a group of knife-toting youths (when it isn't) someone else is calling to report a fight but we can't turn up because on paper the door smashing seems more serious.

  9. PC Blogg's a Clott16 August 2009 at 21:43

    Right Charlie @13:32

    Stop being such a whiney bitch. Fact is the larger fraction of police cuntstables never leave the station at all during the average shift.

    Gutless sh*ts , the lot of you.

  10. Why don't you answer my point instead of hurling ridiculous accusations about?

  11. PC Blogg's a Clott17 August 2009 at 08:37

    Proper Charley @22:28

    You lot never show because you are

    (a) too busy fearlessly fighting crime elsewhere (nicking kids for playground spats, persecuting motorists etc.) ?

    (b) And the majority of you parasites of the public purse who are on shift never leave the station.?

    (c) If your asses are kicked into action, then always turn up late anyway becasue any aggro will bound to be over?

    .... or all of trhe above?

    Or both of the above.

  12. Well I can't comment on any other division apart from the one I work on, but seeing as you know everything there is to know about policing maybe you are right and I am only right about my division, but...

    a) we never do any of that nonsense, we have this thing called discretion

    b) police stations are surprisingly empty at all times of day or night

    c) we try to get to a call a.s.a.p. but we do waste a certain amount of time being diverted to calls where people have exaggerated the seriousness in order to get a faster response.

  13. PC Blogg's a Clott17 August 2009 at 14:46

    Real and proper and right bloody Charley @ n13:10

    on your own, lumberinng dysfunctional and frequently inarticulate "blog" , you yourself have on many occasions, complained that:-

    (a) You have NO discretion.

    (b) the stations are frequently full to the gills with people who do not ever hit those "mean streets"

    (c) that you frequently "take your time" getting to responses.

    Be careful what you write, you bloody stupid woodentop.... you bloody hypocrite.

  14. While I agree that SC is hardly the most exciting of writers, I don't remember him ever complaining about lack of discretion, complained about stations being full of lazy officers nor relaxing on the way to jobs.

    But don't let that get in the way of an exciting and witty comment on a blog!

  15. Blue Eyes - you still full of Christian Frailty?

    Those choir boys still look at you with their big, doeful eyes....... ?

  16. I have to say that having read some of the above comments, I feel able to now define a 'troll' as a 'vacuous, and cretinous individual, who, bereft of any intelligent knowledge or understanding of the spirit of the subject on a forum, displays their inherent ill-manners and ignorance, by resorting to vitriol, ranting and personal attacks.

    There are some very intelligent comments on other sites, the views of which are not entirely in accord with the police. These however introduce a balanced and thoughtful response, as opposed to thoughtless meandering.

    When I served on the ambulance service, I had frequent contact with the police and found them to be hard working and attentive. Agreed, as in any occupation, they had a fair share of bad apples, as indeed my service did. On the whole they were a bloody good bunch.

    The moronic view that people ought to 'hype up the reports' is typical of the disjointed thinking which is the norm these days. I was called to a fit 30 year old, who having imbibed to much alcohol, and eaten too much food complained of stomach pain which, after consultation with fellow drinkers decided he was having a heart attack. Whilst running on the call control summoned another vehicle from out of area to cover a febrile convulsion.


    Drunk taken to hospital, without any treatment for his hearburn, and turfed out later, to be met by his embarrassed wife.

    Child rushed to hospital as the crew struggled to regulate her temperature. Detained for observation.

    Lesson. Don't take advice from moronic trolls. I fear the one above considers himself a wit, though I fear he is only half right.

  17. Here, Here Tom.. :-)
    A brilliant comment. Thank you.

  18. PC Blogg's a Clott22 August 2009 at 23:42

    It's actually: "Hear, Hear"

    You bloody, contemptible, woodentop Oaf.

    ...... brilliant!!!!!!!


  19. Once again we are thrust into the brilliant light of PC Blogg's a Clott.

    I respect this troll, as the only living brain donor to master the art of 'being a complete arse.'

    However, in fairness, this 'troll' is much to my surprise rather humorous. Never-the-less, my wife describes this contributor as a "twat."


    Yes. Tis the only way to deal with an otherwise decent contributor, who has trained and passed out as a fool. Well done.

    You are a waste of O2, but believe it or not you are forgiven. Snicker, snicker. for it is indeed the case that without 'fear nor favour' a worthless POS like you will be rescued by police when you kick off at the next Kebab shop.

    There is, if you have managed to read this far, the option of taking a balanced and 'anti-troll' view of life, within the forum. However, the thought of you taking shoes and socks off for counting to 9 is a task beyond 'troll' like ability.

    So very sad..

  20. Hey Clott,

    The day you have a nasty *insert bad event here* and you are spread out down the road and moaning for help it'll be some wooden top (And I am NOT a beat officer, so I don't wear my big PLASTIC helmet, I wear a flat cap when I have to wear something thank you...but what would a tosser like you know?) officer like ME holding your hand for which you will be grateful.. because believe me, when the shit really does hit the fan you are just like everyone else... human, and you are no infallible... and even through blood and guts of a car accident a police officer will sit there and hold your hand when you are scared and talk to you while the ambulance crew try to stop you bleeding out on the floor.

    So watch your manners you stupid little troll shit because what goes around, comes around.

    Oh yeah, so I used the wrong here instead of hear you f*cking wanker, and?? the point being??

  21. PC Blogg's a Clott24 August 2009 at 21:48

    .... ever hear of a couple of things called: "Grammar" and "Syntax"?

    You are totally incomprehensible.

    Never email or post when you are drunk eh, cuntsatble?

    (Sorry no.. because you have just admitted to not being a front-line officer)

    Your incoherent spluttering just proves my point.

    Argos Security is calling, you Dunce.


  22. Dear Clotty,

    It is my belief that your less than illustrious career as a cub or boy scout has so traumatised you, that your only outlet is to vent your anger/frustration by riling against uniforms.

    Believe it or not (and you probably will not), the hairy arsed plod called to help you is a genuine product of his service.

    I will not distinguish between good and bad, however I would make my point thus:

    1. I was flagged down by a PC when I was driving an SCV (sitting case vehicle), and asked to help at a minor RTC. On observing the patient I elected to call an emergency vehicle, much to the consternation of the officer. He didn't like it, but relied on my judgment.

    2. I was attending a patient at a party, when gate-crashers invaded the event. Whilst trying to treat a patient I was struck repeatedly by a lout who was determined to do the patient and I serious harm. Much to my relief officers turned up mob handed, and my assailant disappeared in a melee of screams and shouts.

    On both occasions, police acted in the best interest of the victims. Though I suspect you will hate this, the troglodyte (sic) will patiently look out for you regardless of your 'trolling' activities.

    If, it is indeed the case that you must, rant, with all your wisdom against the emergency services, what about the evil paramedics, and the nasty fire-fighters.

    Clearly, you are not a fool, however I will take 'Lotte' against 'Clotty' every day of the week, you freak.

  23. I keep coming back to read the updates on this thread - brilliant!

    PC Lotte - are you sure you aren't trolling your own blog just for comedy value ;-) nobody could be as ridiculous as Clott, could they?

  24. PC Blogg's a Clott25 August 2009 at 20:36

    Hello Tom @10:20,

    Or is it Harry?

    Probably : "Dick", no?

    Spare me your puerile self-aggrandisement.
    What, you have a first-aid certificate or something?


    Good for you.

    You syntax-deprived loser.


  25. PC Blogg's a Clott25 August 2009 at 20:52

    Incidentally Tom ("Dick"?)

    It should be : RAILING against uniforms.

    Not, "... riling..."

    You pretentious little mediocrity you. ;)

  26. It appears that I have become the centre of the resident trolls unwelcome attention.

    Dear Clotty. Such humour, such venom, such passion and such a pillock.

    Clotty is determined to engange in a battle of wits, but has entered the field of combat unarmed.

  27. PC Blogg's a Clott26 August 2009 at 12:49

    Hey Tom ("Dick" ?) ever hear of an apostrophe?

    Apart from verbal relfexes, are you actually *capable* of original thought, First-Aid Boy?

  28. If it's any consolation, I have attracted a troll at my place whose intelligent prose bears an uncanny resemblance to the infestation on these pages. I have a powerful weapon in my armoury though - the delete button.

  29. Dear Clotty,

    What about a competition. Let us call it 'how droll is your troll?'

    Clearly, our resident brain donor is in a league of his own, and his pretentious nature simply adds to the value of his indeterminate species. What is that by the way? A slime dweller.

    Though you might refer to me as "Dick" I am very pleased that I have one. Your constant references to genitals of course brings into question your sexual function, or lack thereof.

    By-the-By, I congractualate you in having aided me in descending to your level. I had no idea that like you, I was capable of being a complete tosser.

    I shall in future direct my energy with communicating with children, as my granddaughter is light years ahead of the twit aka Clotty.

    Apostraphe omitted.

  30. PC Blogg's a Clott26 August 2009 at 18:41

    Hiya "Dick" !

    You double-digit IQ buffoon, you!

    (BTW : "..congractulate.." is actually spelled: "congratulate", mate and "..by the by.." should more properly be: "by the bye" )

    Your despicable ignorance and poor education aside, your powers of abstract thought and rudimentary powers of comprehension really are risible.

    You faggot.

    Speaking of which, Blue Eyes........

  31. Is "faggot" supposed to be an insult? Why not say "you left hander" or "you blue eyed person" or "you've got curly hair"?

    Shouting "insults" is the last refuge for someone who has lost an argument. If this was a face-to-face discussion you would have kicked off or run away long since.


  32. Dear Clotty the trolly.

    I apologise if you consider my grammar and syntax somewhat below par, however in the real world, and in life people, we have to make money. I wish it was the case that I could surf the interenet looking for deals on Viagra.

    You will find that most of us, and this is disposed of in my lunch hour, consider you a figure of great fun.

    My brother, is so enamoured by your twatiness, we have a bet that you will slide down to the slime from whence you came.

    I congratulate you (A...h..le) from slithering up as far as you came. I am happy to accept our deviant troll as to 'aspire' to rank of the forum 'spellchecker,'

    I am happy to bow my head in humour to your pathetic efforts as wit.

    Grow up your foolish, and infantile waste of space.

    By the way reference to "dick" does not offend me as I am sure that your 'strap on' does not quite cut it. More searching for Viagra then?

    Any how, I have to feed my family, and not a pathetic prentension to be more than an Arse.

    Laters Dear 'Clotty as a Twatty and a Trolly on the internet thingy.'

    You are boring now, but thank you for the bets.

  33. PC Blogg's A Clot27 August 2009 at 15:09

    Hiya First-Aid Boy - your family that you feed so well from your parasite's job sucking at the public teat, all from the same shallow end of the gene pool as you, no doubt.

    Your brother.... fond of his nices and nephews is he?

  34. To be honest, they are a decent biscuit. Simple, not much going on but the sprinkling of sugar really makes it delicious and terribly addictive.

    It would not surprise me if Tom's brother was into those Nice Biscuits....oh wait....or did you mean to say 'nieces'?

    Clot, you are a hypocritical prick. Albeit, an amusing one at that.

    I like it here!

  35. PC Blogg's a Clott27 August 2009 at 23:22

    So, by your own admission, your brother's offspring are like savoury biscuits to you.....

    .....First-Aid boy, you are a sick mother f*cker.

    Or nephew-f*cker, I suppose.

  36. Blue Eyes, Blue Eyes, where are you, Sweetie?


  37. Hi Honey, how are you? Did you get those flowers I sent you?

  38. Dear Clotty,

    I have a lot to be grateful for. If your cretinious personage took the time and trouble to look at all of the comments, you would note that I do not masquerade as 'Harry' or 'Dick.' Nor do I employ the ridiculous pseudonym of 'PC Bloggs a Clott' to conceal my identity.

    Hence your stupidity at spelling 'nices' instead of 'nieces' speaks volumes for your ineptitude. Though, earlier efforts as a spellchecker have been reasonably fruitful.

    I hope that you will be happy to know that, when you reached the pits of inadequacy, as predicted, the vile references were duly noted and you worthless POS, enriched me by some money.

    Thank you schmuck..

    Enough time has been spent feeding a particularly thick troll. If you must continue in your venamous vein, might I suggest I speak to the Blog owner, and submit my details, so that you may call me direct, and leave the forum open to intelligent debate.

    I am sure my unspeakable brother would love to meet you!


    PC Bloggs a Lotte,

    I respectfully ask that my details be forwarded to the resident Schmuck, aka Dear Clotty.

    I shall happily submit my details with your authority, as unlike Harry, I do not consider this charecter humerous. But a pointless liability.


  39. Ahhhh, I think it is high time we stopped feeding the trolls ego.

    Mind you though it has given me an interesting read, on top of that all the comments have brought new people to my blog which is always welcomed..

    Now however it is time to move onwards and ever upwards.

    And Clott, as a closing remark from me.. I never said that English was my first language. In fact I think I may have actually said that it was NOT my first of 4 languages.

  40. PC Blogg's a Clott2 September 2009 at 02:09

    Hi Tom - you going to go down on your knees and give thanks..... no I said your KNEES not your: "niece", you pervert.

    Your brother wants to meet me???


    You come too, eh Nimrod?

  41. What I would ask now folks is to simply IGNORE any comment posted by the Troll.

    Remember - DON'T FEED THE TROLL!

    I will be deleting any future posts made by the troll as it's just stupid ranting with no constructive comments or criticisms... so basically, he can go get rooted - the novelty has worn off.