Southernshire Constabulary

And a Happy New Year to all.

2010-01-31T04:49:00.001Z

Well of course it's long gone now but I felt that it was about time that I said Happy New Year to all my readers.

I'm sorry but things have been a little busy what with New Year and the good fun weather and all that sort of stuff but it brings to mind an interesting thought about just how UNPREPARED the UK really is to deal with adverse weather conditions.

I remember last winter (you know, the coldest one the UK had seen for 20 years) when the Highways Authority said that it was "well prepared" for winter and then promptly the entire UK seemed to run out of road grit (that horrible stuff they put on the roads to stop them freezing up) and grit had to be purchased from Germany or somewhere like that.
The roads stopped up, people were stranded on motorways for hours at a time and no one could even get a bus to them to get them out of their cars...
People sit in cars freezing because they've got nothing prepared for themselves...

Good god people, if you are going out and there is a possibility of adverse weather (and get real, it's Europe, it happens all the time, rain, wind, floods, snow, etc etc) then you should be prepared. Perhaps that means a couple of blankets in the boot, a couple of cans of those self warming meals (you'll find them in Tesco or a camping shop) and a couple of sealed bottles of water (which keep for a longtime unlike refilling bottles which don't keep for as long).

But what shocked me more was just how unprepared we were, the police. We had very few 4WD vehicles available to us and even fewer people who were allowed to drive them. The 4WD vehicles that we did have didn't have sirens so couldn't be used to respond to anything or get around other traffic etc.. I complained to my supervisors but of course it falls on deaf ears. Guess what? It all happened again.

I think that we should all wake up, the weather is NOT predictable and it has a nasty habit of doing what it likes and when it likes. As such we should be prepared, no matter what the cost - because people's lives are at stake.

Oh well, see what happens next winter!

The season of good-will

2009-12-30T08:46:00.002Z

So with the festive season comes a fair amount of good-will, generally combined with the Christmas Drink-Drive campaigns.

So it brings to mind a few people that I stopped on the roads on Christmas eve 2007...

One guy was driving through a little country village way too fast, I wasn't in a position to get him for speeding but figured that he could be educated the hard way. I stopped the car and told him that I'd stopped him because of the excessive speed that he was travelling at through the last village. (It was about 6pm so it was quite dark of course and he hadn't seen me behind him).

The guy immediately protested and I explained that because it was Christmas I wasn't going to give him a ticket for speeding, just a bit of a friendly warning (this is while he's standing beside the car shivering as I talk to him - I'm cold as well but don't let it show) and I explain that as I had stopped him for a moving traffic offence I was also going to require him to provide me with a specimen of breath (to perform a roadside breath test) to which the guy looked a little shocked so I explained that as it was Christmas eve every car stopped was being breath tested anyway...

Of course the breath test was negative (no alcohol in his breath) but I dragged out our meeting a little longer by explaining why I didn't want him speeding around on Christmas Eve or any other evening and after spending a good 10 or more minutes with the driver I said to him "If you had been doing the proper speed through the village of ******* I wouldn't have wasted 10 minutes of your time - it just goes to show that speeding will end up with you losing more time than if you'd been driving properly in the first place..." to which the guy nodded and smiled, wished me a merry christmas and he went on his way a little more sedately...

I don't know exactly how that driver felt with how he was treated by Southernshire Constabulary on that evening - what I do know is that I might have prevented another accident which would destroy someones Christmas entirely and I may have saved a life.. I did the nicest thing possible and gave the guy a warning for his speed instead of points on his licence and a large loss of money.. I sometimes wonder if it had the desired effect over the longer term or just that one instance but by and large it made ME feel better being as it was Christmas.

I hope that you have ALL have a wonderful, safe, and Merry Christmas and that you will all remain safe and have a Fantastic New Year.. Stay away from the roads if you are drinking, enjoy the time you have with your family and try not to create another time consuming domestic dispute, if you feel like arguing with your partner then go for a walk for 20 minutes then go back and talk with a level head.

Stay Safe.

Happy New Year!

And onwards and upwards with Holiday Cheer... etc, et-al.

2009-12-14T12:41:00.002Z

So while I'm off on my annual vacation, sunning it up in much warmer climes I thought I'd pop in to an internet cafe, see if there was any publisher emails saying hey, write a book about something weird for us etc, and see if there were any comments (I had a few to publish and a few to delete)...

But as I'm off for several more weeks I figured I'd take this opportunity to say... (and stuff those who think it's inappropriate because I don't give a damn!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

HO! HO! HO! (damnit)

(What do you think of my Santa suit? Sadly it's not stab proof (or water proof))

AND FOR ALL THE NON FESTIVE PEOPLE---> Bah Humbug! :-)

Quick, someone's altered the Matrix!!!

2009-11-24T02:52:00.006Z

Tank: - "OPERATOR"
Neo: - "Tank, someone's altered the Matrix... find us an exit............ and quickly..................>"

I am 100% positive we've seen this and heard this before...

Ok, so it's nothing new. People get promoted on coming up with hairbrained schemes like this though.. so let's let them "think-tank" it out and come up with the schemes.

You can see it happening anyway, you can SEE that the Home Office and Central Govt are slowly FORCING it to happen. Eventually they WILL win.

At the present you can see it happening because slowly but surely the government is squeezing the budgets of ALL forces. By 2010 when a new government comes in to power it's hardly likely to change a great deal as the money has to be found somewhere to pay for everything else the government has done (like publically funding the banks - sod the banks, let them sack their over paid management and put them in receivership like every other poorly run and top heavy business - why should I be paying for a dead bank?)

Anyway, so government starts tightening the purse strings. Bordering forces start sharing resources such as Southernshire sharing a helicopter with Ruralshire etc.. or Ruralshire sharing their Roads Policing Unit with MoreRuralshire or similar..

Eventually what happens is that because we've shared so many resources already - in an effort to save another 1 million pounds or 5 million pounds or whatever then we might as well bloody well merge because we can save another £20M. What will happen then is that the forces will merge and the govt will slash that 20M off the budget anyway....

Personally speaking I think we have a good point here:

Too many police forces.
Too much beaurocracy.
Too many inconsistencies between neighbouring forces.
Not enough information sharing between forces.
Inconsistency in dealing with or managing offenders.

etc, etc... you could keep going.

So let's merge. Who cares anyway? It's only the BOSSES who will become superfluous when the forces Merge who care.. the rest of us will still have the same streets to patrol as we did the day before.

I propose that we merge in to the following force areas:

North Wales
South Wales
Northern (from Hull up to the Scottish borders)
Eastern (from the M1 across)
Western (from M1 across to the Welsh borders)
Metropolitan (everything within and INCLUDING the M25 (because no one else wants a big circular car park))
South Western (from Wiltshire/Hampshire borders across and all the way down)
South Eastern (from Wiltshire/Hampshire borders across)

The Eastern and Western forces would go as far south as the M4. Everything below that would be either SW or SE forces.

Now basically I've given this a lot of thought. I've managed to divde the country in to 8 (yep, read it and weep Mr ACPO man - I beat your 9 force idea) force areas which in my reckoning will save around about a billion pounds a year. So does this make me ACPO material or what?

The way I see it - it is quite easy. The Home Office simply gets a map of the UK and draws lines on it.. says to the forces "right, here's where the dividing lines are.. now get organised.. Staff/Officers on the wrong side of dividing lines will go to other forces etc but hey.. they are still employed! Or perhaps the dividing lines could be run down a county boundary but hey, let's make it easy, a straight line!

There is too much discussion and crapping on about this getting done and they need to just DO IT and get it over with. For those of us on the street it won't matter on iota as we will still be going out catching criminals the day after it all comes in to effect.

PC dies.

2009-11-20T20:29:00.003Z

The body of a man found after a bridge collapsed over a flooded river is Pc Bill Barker, police have confirmed.

Pc Barker, 44, was directing motorists off the bridge in Workington "saving lives" when it caved in as Cumbria was hit by record rainfall, police said.

Gordon Brown called Pc Barker "very heroic" and the Queen said she was "deeply concerned" about the flooding.

Cumbria Assistant Chief Constable Jerry Graham said both the flooding and the incident involving Pc Barker had left him "devastated".

He said the constable, a father of four whose 45th birthday would have been on Saturday, was a roads policing officer in Workington.

His body was found on a beach in Allonby, almost 10 miles up the coast.

Pc Barker's wife Hazel said her husband was "my best friend, my forever friend, and an amazing dad".

** Our hearts and minds go out to those who are suffering at the loss of a Colleague, a friend, a loved one, most importantly to his 4 children now without a much loved father **

Watching you watching me (uh-huh)

2009-11-19T09:38:00.004Z

So generally speaking it's rare that I do constant obs, it's something that the probationers tend to do because either they can't drive around on blues & twos or they are the ones who are just sent to all of these sorts of things, it's constants or scene guards.. so today my topic is constants.

When police detain a person under S136 of the Mental Health Act we are obliged to take that person to a "place of safety". Unfortunately however if they've even sniffed some alcohol within the last 24 hours then no hospital (read hospital for people being treated under the MHA) will touch them and they simply repeat time and time again that it's "OUR" problem. (OH yeah, as Alcohol is a major depressant you can GUESS what the likelihood is that our 136's HAVEN'T been drinking, it's such a slim chance that it's really not funny).

(I don't see how it IS our problem as WE aren't a Hospital!!)

So when you detain someone S136 the first thing you hope is that they haven't been drinking (so sometimes they are even breath tested) but if they have you write off the rest of your shift doing constat obs on this person.

Most Custody Sgts won't allow a 136 in their cell block without a PC doing constant observations on this person. Now this brings to mind the following thoughts:

This person has been searched on ENTRY to custody and all items that could be use to harm themselves or us is removed from everyone. The person is also checked with a metal detector and a few other things yet STILL.. despite no way of doing anything and the available camera cell I'm still stuck on constants.

I sit for 8 hours of my shift twiddling my thumbs, reading a magazine, playing with the internet over my phone and WATCHING a person who's just spent the last 7 hours 45 minutes sleeping! Great use of Police time.. and no wonder my crimes on my account aren't being investigated.

I beg to know why this person who needs help for mental health problems is deemed unfit to be taken a hospital if they've had a drink. I also beg to know just how a CELL BLOCK is seen as a SAFE PLACE for someone who may have mental health issues, surely the hospital is far better equipped to help them and besides that the mental health assessment team then takes 10 - 20 hours to turn up to assess the person in Custody.

It just takes the piss.

ACPO

2009-11-19T01:41:00.004Z

Police Get 93-Page Guide To Cycling

12-Nov-09

ACPO consider new 2-volume, 93 page, manual to tell officers how to ride a bike...

I agree wholeheartedly with the Taxpayers Alliance.

THIS should not be allowed to happen full stop. What a waste of all our money!

Wake up ACPO. You think up all these daft things, do you think that the rank and file PC is a toddler or what?
Even Boris Johnson can cycle himself around without a 93 page guide!!!!!!!

I think it's HIGH TIME we fought back.

2009-11-17T00:59:00.011Z

After a comment left on my blog in the post regarding the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson I thought that it was worthwhile looking further in to WHY the public aren't doing their duty to fight crime.

Then I thought about something someone once said to me when I asked why they didn't grab a shitbag who ran past them who was being chased after a crime... they said it wasn't "their job" to catch the crook.

So here is POINT 7 of Sir Robert Peel's 9 Principles of Policing...

Police, at all times, should maintain a relationship with the public that gives reality to the historic tradition that the police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence.

Out of point 7 let us look in particular at the piece highlighted in RED.

The Police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on EVERY citizen.

I find that quite poignant and feel that perhaps it should be pointed out to the PUBLIC that they too have an incumbent DUTY to perform when it comes to the prevention of crime, the preservation of life, limb and property and all the other duties carried out by the police.

So, JOE PUBLIC, LISTEN UP! TAKE HEED and take note.. you should start to assist in all of the above. It is time for YOU to take up the fight against crime and disorder as well because if you do not do so then, when it ALL FAILS (and it's bound to) then it is YOU WHO HAVE FAILED SOCIETY. (for we are the public and the public ae the police!)

Now the question of WHY aren't society doing their incumbent duty?
It's probably partially because they are scared. But what are they scared more about, their own safety, the safety of their family, the safety of their friends, their property, society at large? Are they scared that they might do something which gets them in trouble? Ok, so if they are scared then ring 999 and we'll deal with it but remember we are just the public paid to give full-time attention to these duties.. we are the same as you are. Still - all too many people won't even dial 999! Get with the program guys, we are all charged with the responsibility to help our fellow man.

Remember that it is up to you to help US ALL to reclaim our streets. Let's push the hoodlums back in to the shadows where they belong, let's get the muggers, rapists, theives and burglars behind bars and MAKE THEM STAY THERE, let's tell the Govt that we don't WANT lighter prison sentences or prisoners being taken out on shopping sprees or politically correct, pink & fluffy police but that we want an effective and efficient police force who will go out and do their job without red tape holding them back. Let's stand up and be counted and make it all happen.

Sorry for all the CAPS folks, just want to make a point.

This weeks news in short.

2009-11-10T21:11:00.005Z

Boris get's on his bike...

So I don't generally like Politicians a great deal but I'll give credit where and when it is due.

The latest news this week sees Boris Johnson chase off a bunch of hooded "oiks" (his words) who had surrounded a lady and one of whom had a 1 metre steel bar in hand.

The Mayor of London was cycling down the street when he heard a lady shout to him for help, without any hesitation he rode over, jumped off his bike and shortly there-after was chasing the hooded youths down the street.

He then returned to the stunned lady and walked her home!!! WTF? It's brilliant isn't it? :-)

Could you imagine the Mayor of New York doing that?

I can see how he became Mayor - top notch Boris.

Now if only a few other citizens of this great world we live in would take heed and help people when they need it then it would be a far, far nicer world we live in.

Named and Shamed... about time too!

Avon & Somerset have been naming the people that they've shovelled through the Criminal Justice System. Basically they have been publicising the details of what for and who on their website.

I'm sure that the Human Rights mob will be jumping up and down and protesting but screw them..

I feel that this is a positive step forward in Victim Focus in the Criminal Justice System.

On top of that I personally think it's great, after all you won't let someone in to your house or business or employ them if you KNOW that they've been done for Burglary or Theft by Employee or Shoplifting.. It now allows the public to be aware and to take adequate protective measures.

Now to get everyone else doing it - because the long and short of it.. you WON'T commit crime if you suddenly find EVERY DOOR SLAMMED IN YOUR FACE because you are recognisable!

A Minute for Madeleine McCann

2009-11-04T19:57:00.003Z

I've titled this the same as our very own Ruralshire Constabulary's Police Inspectors post because I want you to all click the link and go to see the post he made - http://inspectorgadget.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/4258/

It's not my intention to repost the video on here but to let you go to Inspector Gadgets blog and see it there.

I will also point out the interesting comments below that post. One of which has a list of points on the case some of which are very good points. There is a lot of unanswered questions about the disappearance of Madeleine McCann and I only hope that someday the world will know the full truth of the matter.

Lets lower the risk of RE-OFFENDING (let's keep them locked up!)

2009-10-29T23:12:00.003Z

Ok, so I sit there reading the latest news and chuckling away to myself somewhat amusedly.

"Offender Management in the Community" - what a load of shit!

The following rant is based on this story which talks about violent predators re-offending whilst being managed in the community by the Probation service.

And I quote:

A total of 1,414 registered sex and violent offenders were also returned to prison for breaching the terms of their release licences. A further 68 were sent back to prison for breaching the terms of their sex offences prevention order.

WTF????

So my thought on the matter is this.. You are a probation officer, a parole board officer, a politician, doesn't matter which, you are part of the system which is allowing these quite often violent and definitely predatory offenders out of the prison system to walk the streets amongst the good, law abiding, tax paying, hard working and honest citizens of this country..
Here goes:

If you are going to allow a violent or predatory offender out of prison EARLY and on LICENCE then the following CAVEAT should apply to all those who make the decision to allow them out of prison.

IF the offender RE-OFFENDS whilst on licence, on a SOPO, on the SOR, or while they should otherwise STILL be locked up in HM Prisons then the people RESPONSIBLE for letting them out to walk the streets should ALSO serve the sentence that is handed down to the offender when they are brought back in to custody.

So as a scenario (please remember this is purely fictional):

John Rapist is a violent predatory sex offender who raped a 17 year old girl after tying her to the childrens swings in the local park late at night on a Saturday in July 2006.

** John is 38 years old and has served a prison sentence earlier in his life for a similar offence, but it was only just short of being rape, he also has a criminal history going back to his teens. He has a nasty violent streak towards his victims and often beats them leaving the victims with permanent scarring. John was on the equivalent of the Sex Offenders Register when he was 27 for a period of 4 years. He has a history of re-offending and offending on bail. **

John gets convicted of the rape and is sentenced to 5 years in prison, he spends 18 months in prison and is released on a SOPO (Sexual Offences Prevention Order) and is forever more a RSO (Registered Sex Offender). He is also supposed to report weekly to the police station and to attend prevent classes which are a form of counselling in order to stop him re-offending. He is on Licence for a further 18 months, the other 2 years of his sentence seem to have vanished for some reason that no one can explain.

John is released from prison in December.
4 weeks after being released from prison he rapes another girl and her boyfriend, they were both 18 years old...
John is sent back to prison to serve the rest of his previous sentence and he is further sentenced to another 7 years.

Now here is the good part:

The people who allowed John Rapist to walk the free streets of middle England also get brought before the courts for releasing him on licence. At that time they are sentenced to serve 7 years inside for allowing a violent and predatory offender to be released early from prison while knowing that he was likely to re-offend.

Oh yeah, this sounds very 1984 or perhaps V, or may be a few other things.. It is however guaranteed to do one thing............... It WILL STOP people being released early from prison - a prison sentence should be carried out in full.
--- After all, will you still bend over backwards and let John Rapist or Billy Burglar or even Alex Arsonist walk free if you KNOW in your heart of hearts that he will re-offend and you will spend time in prison when he does?? Of course not!

Now they'll say we don't have enough prison spaces for them - SO??? BUILD ANOTHER BLOODY PRISON!

It is something to think about.

Now to really have some fun..

2009-10-22T17:32:00.007+01:00

I have made a couple of changes due to the spammers in my comments section of this blog.
Firstly I should thank them because what happens is a lot more people come to look at my blog because Google searches he comments and indexes even more things because of the inane words used.
Anyway, because of them now every single comment will be approved prior to being publicly viewable.

Anyway, so I figured that because Clotty and Jacques Lefèvre (who believes himself to be some sort of 14th century French philosopher) have such an issue with Traffic officers I figured I'd write something for them.

Personally speaking even I would like to go to work in Traffic but many police forces across the UK are cutting back on Traffic departments because they need to save money - so it's really out of the question.

For me - I like traffic stuff, most of it is black and white, straight forward. For instance if you have a tyre which is down to the metal bands inside that is the offence, there is no excuse for it, you broke the law and endangered yourself and the public.
I like the challenges of working with traffic stuff. I also abhor people who drive on the roads in this and every other country like complete idiots with no regard for anyone but themselves - and of course the second they end up with someone shunting them because of their dangerous driving they become all defensive about it.

I want to stop those people because they are MURDERERS waiting to happen - well what else do you call someone with a 1.5 ton metal instrument being thrown around at 70 mph? After all a car is a lethal weapon isn't it?

This is why I like stopping cars.. because I want to stop this:

DERBYSHIRE
SUFFOLK
ESSEX
HAMPSHIRE

How many more does it take before people say - ahh, perhaps the police aren't persecuting the motorists, they are just trying to keep EVERYONE safe.

I'm sure the families of the victims from Derbyshire, Suffolk, Essex and Hampshire and every other county and indeed country where someone has died needlessly in a traffic incident are all in agreement that people who use the roads should obey the traffic laws because NO ONE should EVER have to suffer the torment of losing a loved one to something 100% preventable. And I'm sorry.. driving is a privilege, not a right.

I said it on one of the comments on one of my earlier stories. I've never yet met ANY driver who's never broken the law. Every single driver has done something on the road which is breaking the law.

Does driving 3 MPH over the speed limit make you a criminal?
In the eyes of the law - YES. Because you've broken the law the speed limit is just that, a limit.

Does failing to wear a seatbelt make you a criminal?
Same answer, yes you have broken the law so you are technically a criminal.

Does using a mobile phone whilst driving make you a criminal?
See the trend developing here?

I could keep going. It is like any other law. You steal and get caught you are a criminal, you rob, rape or murder and get caught and you are a criminal. So on that note.. how many drug dealers, robbers, rapists, murders, burglars and other criminals drive cars? (well I must say I've NEVER seen a burglar walking away with his loot back to his house on the other side of the country/county/city/town/district or whatever - it just doesn't happen).
A criminal is at their most vulnerable in a car and THAT is why they are actively sought there.

So let's analyse this a little further.
If you've just burgled a house - so you've invaded someones private residence, rifled through their intimate possessions and smashed the place up before leaving, you drive away... do you obey the speed limit, wear your seatbelt and not talk on the phone while driving your taxed, insured and MOT'd vehicle? NOT LIKELY.. you don't care about the Theft Act of 1968 which makes Burglary illegal (or any other act which mentions it either) and so you are unlikely to care about the Road Traffic Act of 1988 (or any other similar act which mentions the above) - so as a police officer if you begin by stopping cars with no tax, insurance, MOT or drivers without seatbelts or using mobile phones then you might just be lucky and be stopping a burglar with a car full of loot. Get the idea?

I know that Clotty and JLF aren't going to agree but I don't really care. Clearly there are far more intelligent people out there who read my blog and might just happen to agree but don't happen to comment.
How about a few more comments from some of our readers saying what you think... :-)

Look up there in the sky, is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO, it's....

2009-10-19T17:20:00.003+01:00

Super Cop

I read with great interest about Sgt Livingstone who has managed to become the UK's Super Cop with the highest arrest record of any Police Officer..
Then I wonder about it and just how it's done.

Between April 08 and March 09 a staggering 524 arrests. That is IMPRESSIVE to say the least. BUT.. they then go on to say that's an average of 2.2 arrests a day. Well on my shift pattern that's 2.5 almost 2.6 arrests a day.. none the less lets continue looking.

You can only arrest people that quick if you have a fast custody procedure and you have prisoner interview teams to hand your prisoner over to - whatever system Suffolk uses is whatever system we should ALL use! Otherwise, 2.2 arrests a day would take you longer than you've got hours to work!

But the story further goes on to say that Sgt Livingstone is making more arrests per year than 58 police officers put together!! WTF? Ok, I personally have seen a Sgt arrest 2 people in one night.. it was quite funny as well.. and he also handed them over (to PC's to deal with). But to be honest it is rare in our force, in fact I'd say it's rare for Sgts to leave the station!!

Onwards and upwards.

524 arrests divided by 58 gives an average arrest rate for those "58 coppers" of 9.03 arrests per year. Huh?
Does this mean I'm some sort of super cop too then? Because I arrested around 90 people last year and charged (with Home Office detections attached) around 40. The other 50 either weren't charged with Home Office detectable crimes or they had no further action taken. But I know that most of the people I arrested last year were charged so I'd say only 10% were NFA.

So as I arrested around 90 people does that make me 10 X better than the average?
WHAT???? 10 X better than the average police officer?
Nah, I don't think so. It just means I was either deployed to the job first. Or that I was in the right area at the right time. Or perhaps that I was trying harder to get a few more arrests....... I know that I also didn't arrest a lot of people that I could have! For instance the S5 Public Order in the High Street where I told matey's mates to take him away before he got arrested.. that sort of thing.

I don't think it's all about just going out to arrest people. I think it's also about using common sense, using discretion, using judgement and reasoning skills and attempting to educate the public so that they don't end up being criminalised for doing or saying something stupid.

I'd like to think that there are a few nicer and luckier people out there because I didn't arrest them. And a few people who are still alive because I didn't give them a seatbelt ticket but gave them a telling off. etc.. it's all about education and safety in my book!

What am I?

2009-10-16T04:43:00.002+01:00

Right, it seems that some of the miscreants who take pleasure in tormenting people via comments on police officers blogs like to take out their frustrations if they feel that the PC is a Traffic Cop.

Firstly let me set the record straight - YET AGAIN - but clearly these idiots cannot seem to work a simple blog and work their way backwards to see that time, and time, and time again I mention that I am a RESPONSE OFFICER NOT A TRAFFIC OFFICER..

So let's start from scratch for the whiney little tossers who clearly can't click back and read it for themselves.

I'm a Response Officer, Not a Traffic Officer.

That means I turn out to 999 calls. I go to the general dross of society when they feel that their other half (also general dross) has done enough to insult them and they want them "done" for it.
Or when their neighbour, a normal, tax-paying and contributing member of society has complained once too often about their loud music they call the cops saying they were getting threatened "innit" and expect them to be "done for it, yah!"

So basically I answer the call to ALL allegations of crime and ALL requirements for Police to attend. Which VERY OFTEN requires me to attend the scene of an RTI (Road Traffic Incident) or in more simple words for the dross, an accident.

So why do I attend? Because there is no traffic office on our division and they have to travel further to get to you than I do.. So if you are in your car, upside down, or laying at the side of the road having been ejected because you were a complete tossa and weren't wearing your seatbelt (but you will of course tell me you WERE) then I am the one who turns up first, puts out signs, puts out cones, calls for an ambulance, holds your bloody snotty hand and comforts you until the men & women (saints) in green suits strap you to a stretcher and prepare to take you to hospital.. and of course until Traffic Cops turn up to talk to you.... and summons you to court for clearly what is dangerous driving and not wearing your seatbelt.

Anyway.. so for the dross who like to comment on here, I go to accidents day in and day out.. It is a COMMON part of the life of a Police Officer whether they be a Response officer or a Traffic Officer or even a Beat officer, they are in a uniform and in a car and on a road they can and WILL inevitably end up at an accident putting out cones and signs.. and if they have sucessfully managed to avoid that throughout their career then they should be lined up and shot because it's bread and butter a part of our work.. it's the first part of the OATH that we swore. The first part of this being - UPHOLDING FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS.

1. The RIGHT TO LIFE.

This means that if you are injured in an accident or in MORTAL DANGER then ANY and EVERY Police Officer will do their level best to seek to maintain your right to life - even if that means putting their OWN life in MORTAL DANGER!

So shitbag, remember this next time you drive like a complete c*ck down the road and put everyone else in danger - when you stack it and end up rolling the car over on your roof it may just be in MY COUNTY and it may just be ME who has come to put out signs and cones and try to PRESERVE YOUR LIFE you little scum sucking wanker. So save your rantings on my forum, have some respect for the fact that today I might arrest you for a crime for which I have evidence against you but TOMORROW I may be the one holding your hand and comforting you while the Ambulance turn up while you are laying on the side of the road saying "I can't feel my lefts and my back feels funny......"
Oh yeah, I've been at that one - and the person who said that had an IPCC complaint against me.. but I maintained MY PROFESSIONALISM and dealt with him as was expected despite the overwhelming desire to walk away and ask for another PC to be deployed due to professional reasons.

The IPCC complaint was unfounded anyway and the shitbag made a full recovery after having his shoulder and collar bone operated on and his back put back in to place.. he was very lucky considering he was ejected from a moving motor vehicle at 40 - 60 MPH!

Think about it boys and girls, it could be you, it could be ME holding your hand.

Coning and Signing...

2009-09-25T19:24:00.004+01:00

So when I arrive at an RTI the first thing I've got to take in to account is my own safety.. I stop my car at a pre-set and pre-specified distance away from the accident scene, this is for my own safety and yours if you are standing near your car in the lane of a live dual carriageway..
I then put on my yellow jacket and try to get out of the car without getting knocked down by the next car to come along and not see the shiny stripy police car covered in flashing blue & red lights that's entirely blocking a lane... and they swerve out of the way (despite having had well over 200 metres to change lanes based on the line of visibility in front of them)..

First things first, IS ANYONE INJURED? DOES ANYONE NEED AN AMBULANCE? check that, if nothing serious I start bunging out traffic cones around the scene of my accident whilst calling the control room for an Ambulance etc.. Reason for this is so that no one else becomes a needless casualty, specially me because I can't help anyone if I'm creamed by some ones Ford Galaxy or similar.

It's a dual carriageway so I have 6 - 8 cones to set out a 100 metre taper.. so I walk off to a 100 metre distance and start putting out cones from the edge of the carriageway to the line at the middle of the two lanes then the last cone or two between my car and the accident scene so that the fire truck or ambulance have a sterile area to pull in to..

What amazes me is that STILL even with a police car blocking a lane 50 metres from the accident (generally) and 100 metres of cones behind that and a clear view of the police car and cones for 100+ metres behind the accident and signs saying "POLICE SLOW" or "POLICE ACCIDENT" out another 50 - 100 metres behind this people STILL wait until the very last minute to merge out in to the other lane causing everyone else to brake hard or take evasive action, or for me to look up and think "OH CRAP" because running through my mind is the fact that someone is going to plough through all my cones, then my car, then me................. see a POLICE sign??? Please SLOW DOWN and LOOK at what is going on!!

WHY don't people read the road a little further than 50 metres in front of their bonnet?

Then when being waved out by another police officer they for some reason decide that means they should just STOP in the MIDDLE of the road bringing EVERYTHING to a halt. OMG how dangerous is that? I've seen it on so many occasions now that it scares me... even when passing through other counties I've been stuck behind someone who decided to do that..

Is it that when the blue lights flash drivers suddenly lose the ability to think? I don't think so because 99% of drivers do just fine and pass around the accident (rubbernecking as they go mostly) and then carry on in their daily lives.. but 1% seem to just lose the ability to pass by without scaring the life out of everyone standing inside of the cones.

Please, DON'T RUBBERNECK, Please MERGE OUT SOONER, Please, Please, Please, DO TAKE NOTICE OF WHAT IS GOING ON.. read the road, it's simpler.

I know however that even with all the precautions it's still one of the most dangerous places for me to be, or anyone else to be.. so for those IN AN ACCIDENT on any road, but most importantly on a dual carriageway, if you CAN get out of your car get out on the NEARSIDE closest to the grass on the side of the road and then STAND BACK AWAY FROM THE CARRIAGEWAY AND THE WRECKAGE!!
I had one person at an accident once say they were going to stay at the side of the car (nearest the LIVE CARRIAGEWAY) because of the animals in the car.. WHAT? NO.. MOVE AWAY FROM THE CAR AND THE ROAD!!
Please think about your own safety as well.. anything IN the car is going to stay there, even if there is someone stuck in the car they are safer there than YOU ARE standing BESIDE the car... so get off the road.

Oh well.. very next accident I go to will probably be exactly the same. I guess it's a problem with having a lot of dual carriageways passing through my patch in every direction. Single lane roads are great because we just shut them down but dual carriageways just scare me every time.

Just when we thought all was right with the world - A complete idiot break it again!

2009-09-25T02:39:00.007+01:00

Ok, so usually the police get to sit back, try to do their job, avoid becoming bogged down in controversy and paperwork..
And by and large MOST of the police in the UK do... and we do our jobs very well as well.

And just when everything is looking alright with the world of policing and the public start to gain confidence in us actually getting things done again it all just turns completely to shit due to some complete ass in the MET.

Why is it that it always seems to be someone in the MET?

A PC driving a Response Vehicle who had just been trained to do so goes out and kills an innocent member of the public because he's driving like a complete lunatic!

Does the MET not check people out during the recruitment process to ascertain if they are suitable for the job they are doing? I thought this was why it took 9 - 12 months to get through the recruitment process!!! Do they not monitor new PC's or new Response Drivers? Does no one ever seem to have to be accountable in the MET until someone dies?

Sorry, I don't have the full story of this incident other than whats in the above linked article. I don't know the PC involved, or indeed anyone who works with him (unless one of my friends in the MET does know him, but I'm not aware of that), and I don't know the family of the lady who sadly had to die to bring this to the publics attention.. But what I do know is that one tosser doing something like this puts ALL OF US in a bad light and when I in the very rural Southernshire County manage to get asked if I'd killed any Grandmothers with my Response car I find it absolutely bloody astounding, shocking, and alarming.

FFS. How many people have to die because of someone who should NEVER have gotten through the recruitment process doing something absolutely bloody stupid.

/end rant for today.

PS. Sorry for the absence of posts recently. I've been a little busy at home..

BASED ON COMMENTS:

Ok, let me clarify.. I know that not every idiot police officer who does something wrong is from the MET. I know that my farce like every other one out there has it's fair share of them... But damn... it seems to be the MET at the top of the news polls every 3 or 4 weeks. It's a shame, but I know that's cos there are 35,000 officers, it's the biggest so it'll have the biggest proportion of screw ups... Its part of the territory for having the largest force in the country - or the equivalent of say 7 - 10 larger County forces all in one small space...

NO, I'm not bagging the MET itself or trying to generalise but is it possible that because they recruit so many people they aren't checking them all out properly, or perhaps not watching what they do properly??? I dunno, it might be that it's impossible to do that in such a large organisation so occasionally some unstable idiot slips through (point in case - that undercover reporter..)

I just felt that I had to vent because in my backwards neck of the woods I got asked by a MoP if I had killed any grannies lately whilst blue lighting to the nick to have a cup of tea.. and that annoyed me because as someone in the MET had done it every other Police Officer in the country got tarred with that big wide brush by the public...

I am also adult enough to realise that 99% of Police in the UK are all damned fine officers who go out every day and who do their level best to carry out the office of Constable putting their lives on the line in order to carry out their duties... but because I get generalised I thought I'd see how it worked the other way, and I get some great reactions by doing that..............

By the way, I do value the comments that are given back because it's nice to hear what others think.
No, I am not anti-MET.. I may just end up there some day soon.. and I know some very, very fine MET officers who love what they do and they do it very well... but that force just seem to be the ones in the media constantly.... when will WE the POLICE do something Positive in the media instead of letting the media slaughter us??? I think it's about time that we had some positive media coverage for once... the media coverage that shows us doing something GOOD, something BRILLIANT, saving lives, stopping criminals, putting bad people in prison, foiling big, nasty crimes... but no, that's just not going to happen is it? It's only when something exceptional happens that it hits the media.. and no one remembers the good things we do, only the bad.

And it's about time!!

2009-09-01T12:12:00.003+01:00

As I was reading this story I was thinking that it's about high time that this sort of event happens more often..

The crux of the story in short is that a yob and his buddy went in to a phone shop and tried to rob them using a soldering iron that one of the employees had just been using.. as the yob tried to escape employees grabbed his leg as he ran out the door, they then slammed the door shut on the same leg leaving the knob there stuck in the door furiously trying to escape. (there is a great photograph of said overweight - non-working scum stuck in the door which was taken by a member of the public).

So my thought on this is to ask why more shops don't actually take a proactive approach towads their own security?

Is it because they are just scared of repercussions? Is it because they are scared of being hurt? Or what?

I had a report of an elderly shoplifter at a local "high quality" supermarchet in one of our local towns, on arrival a couple of minutes afterwards (after detaining someone who matched the description and then was found to not actually be the right person and so was subsequently let go with apologies) I spoke with the manager..

What followed was the information that at least once a week an elderly male - probably around 70 years old, walked through the shop dressed in the same clothes.. he would select items from the shelves and then walk out of the front door (having entered through the back door of the store). No one EVER attempted to stop or challenge the male!

CCTV was seized.
CCTV from the town cameras was seized and viewed... and showed the male going to one of the banks shortly afterwards.. (thus it may have been possible to identify the male from that).
Descriptions circulated amongst my colleagues, particularly the local PCSOs who are always out in the High Street and may spot the man.

Advice was given to the shop manager as follows, if the male comes in to the store again then whoever sees him should inform the manager who can call the police, a couple of the larger lads who work up at the cash registers should then approach the male together and ask him politely if he "wouldn't mind remaining with them please..." - and of course the police would already be on the way.
Of course the caveats were given - DO NOT PUT YOURSELVES IN ANY DANGER - DO NOT BLOCK THE EXIT (thus putting the suspect in fear and making him lash out to get out of the exit) - DO NOT OFFER OR USE ANY VIOLENCE - Simply be Calm and Polite but Firm.

As you might guess I asked the manager why no one had EVER done this before.. and the reply shocked me.. they are advised 'not to' by their head office!

So less than a week later I hear on the radio that this "high quality" supermarchet has detained 1 for suspected shoplifting. But I was committed on something else so another officer from late shift was deployed and went to arrest the shoplifter.. that officer also arrested him for my shoplifting job the week previous (thus stealing my detection).. On their arrival at custody I looked in to the holding cell and was shocked to see that this elderly male was wearing the same clothes as the week before - but this wasn't as shocking as the look of complete total and utter abject "failure" on his face. He knew his game was up....

So after all of the above.. this store now challenges people it believes to be shoplifting......... So do a few others that I've dealt with recently. So thankfully we are now catching more shoplifters... and it's a shame that ALL shops don't do the same.
You do NOT have to put yourself in any danger, just simply state to the person that you want them to remain with you. Explain that the police have been called, their face is on CCTV etc, etc.. as such, there is no point running and it's easier to get dealt with straight away than to be running for a long time and looking over their shoulders.

Every person should do their part and assist in the prevention and detection of crime. It would make this country a lot nicer to live in. All too often though people just ignore everything going on around them and as such crime rates go up as police become more and more embroiled in petty things that should NEVER have reached the police (like the neighbours barbeque smoke going through someone's washing on the line - you can imagine what I said right?).

As I've said to a couple of our local herberts of late.. There is ONE of them.. 145,000 of us!

Internet Trolls and Real Trolls..

2009-08-11T18:29:00.002+01:00

Ok, so everyone has probably noticed a troll or two on the interwebby thing. After all I'm sure that everyone who reads my blog has probably been on a forum or two and noticed that there is always one complete tosser who decides to be a troll and post completely bloody useless things on there.

Well it seems that I've picked up a couple of them who post in the comments section of my blog.
Really it's quite a shame that they don't think they can post anything constructive apart from telling me I'm a clott. Well, to be honest, you've had your 4.75 seconds of fame, now you can sod the fuck off you wanker. Perhaps you'll understand that!

However what really upsets me is the real trolls.. the ones who call 999 saying: "XYZ is doin' this innit?!!" then when all the police cars turn up and we need some firm evidence against XYZ because clearly there isn't any firm evidence evident to the attending officers - so we go back to 'real troll' to ask for a statement we get something like: "Well it's like this mush yeah... well ahh I don't like tha Gavva's ya, so like well ummm, I wouldn't have call yous, so like get outta my hallway right before I make a complaint about yas... right!"
So of course XYZ is released later that day, or when they sober up, which ever comes first.. with no charges as no evidence was forthcoming...

Now here goes the fun bit.. this is clearly a TROLL as the've called the police either faking a 999 emergency for the fun of it, or possibly even making up the entire story of the incident just to see if Police do something.. they create endless bloody ludicrous paperwork and make the public worry that there are even any police (despite their police precept going up again this year)..
And all we can give out is a Penalty Notice for wasting police time... personally speaking.. let's go arrest the trolls and put them before the courts.. see what the courts think of wasthing their time because of the trolls wasting police time!!

"V" for ID card..

2009-08-04T16:45:00.005+01:00

I was just reading the "breaking news" and I saw this story about ID cards and thought I'd add my few pennies worth to the discussion because it all looks rather interesting.

The first thing that I noticed is that the Home Secretary, Mr Alan Johnson shown below looks very similar to someone else I've noticed and had a memory of for many years since I saw a movie that concerned me a lot.

Take a look at the comparison pics.

Alan JOHNSON - Home Secretary

Versus

John HURT as Adam SUTLER from the world famous movie "V" for Vendetta.

Personally, I have no issue to the use of ID cards as a rule. BUT there must be some form of leash attached to this possible run-away monster. Firstly, what the heck is the point in having BIO-METRICS on an ID card? How about we do like many other nations do... make it law that you MUST carry some form of Govt issued ID card with you. And then improve the stupid driving license (we all know that there is no reason to have a counterpart on it - no one else in the world does that right?) and when it's improved we use THAT as a main form of ID. After all, most people drive right? And for those that don't we have the ID Card.

What's the issue though?

The law doesn't require you to carry any form of ID card.

The problem?

We issue ID cards to all and sundry yet the police still are no better off than they are now with establishing your ID unless you are CRO and have had your fingerprints taken before!

Solution?

Forget the ID card scheme unless bringing in a law that it MUST be carried by ALL - including ALL foreign residents and visitors would be required to provide a form of ID in the English Language.......

This is a scary can of worms isn't it? :-)

Police Numbers "Record High" except on my district.

2009-07-28T14:54:00.003+01:00

This is a post in response to this story on the Police Oracle website;

Police numbers reach Record Levels Yay! But where are they?

I think that it's interesting to see posts like the above on the Police Oracle website. Specifically considering that a lot of forces have a long term freeze on recruiting (ours has, so have a few others according to comments left on this very blog!!). I know that my force loses quite a few officers a year due to natural wastage/retirements etc.. as such with a freeze on recruiting our officer levels are dropping again!!

Now I see that apparently we've got loads more police running around.. But no where near us.

So perhaps with budgets being cut everywhere and more and more red-tape/paperwork those extra police officers and even PCSOs are now tied to a desk or seconded to some useless shiny arse team or department as well..

I'd really like to know what the public think of the current levels of officer numbers v the current levels of actual officers on the street v the current levels of officers seconded to stupid ineffectual teams.

I think I will ask my local MP (if he's not too busy fiddling the expenses system) what he proposes to do in my division to even up the numbers! And if he doesn't do anything I might just write to the Health and Safety Executive to ask them how the current levels of policing in my district are "SAFE" for anyone, officers or the public!!

Detection figures

2009-07-23T12:21:00.002+01:00

Well after the last post I made I thought I'd better do some research..

So I went to see the performance people..

No. Detections aren't going anywhere. They are still being used and abused to monitor the performance of the police in our Farce.

Yay!

Bunch of [insert expletive of your choice here]

Targets? Gone?

2009-07-17T01:37:00.007+01:00

Ok so I read other blogs and realise that perhaps I've been out of the loop this week...

Detection Targets are being scrapped??? WTF? Oh, some of my learned colleagues and others have written about this so this is certainly nothing new.. but it is new to me!!!

After all - we have a "detections policy". Detection Targets still appear to be in place in my farce..

We also have "PERFORMANCE MANAGERS" who are generally Sgts and above who are there to make sure we "PERFORM". OMG it just winds me up.. I perform just fine without you counting how many HOME OFFICE APPROVED DETECTIONS I have got this month thank you! And if we don't have Detection Targets to worry about then those Sgts etc may have to actually go back out on to the street.

In this job you can go out every day and drag in all the bad people off the streets, charge etc... and you can do that all day every day and NEVER be thanked by any of the Performance Managers, or by the public, or by anyone else..

Yet if you fail to reach your 'target figure' for the month then you soon find out because the big boss wants to talk to you as soon as you bat an eyelid.

Anyway, I was reading the blog from Sam at Monday Books, it's interesting, it has a great point of view on things - and has some more words of wisdom from the great Inspector Gadget, and of course, as you would expect it's well researched...

As stated by the Inspector - Public Satisfaction isn't going to work when there are gatso's and speed camera vans, and increase of fines for seatbelts or anything else the public doesn't like, or when the courts let the scumbag thief or burglar back out on to the streets... it all just makes the Police look bad and the public blame us as we are the ones they see as responsible.

So back to the point....... if we now don't have to worry about DETECTIONS then can I get back to just arresting the people who NEED to be arrested instead of prosecuting an 11 year old for stealing £1.18 pence worth of items from the local Co Op? (it's a detectable crime - please forgive me kiddo!)

Hmmm, so now I can go out and attempt to be proactive then?

I doubt it as I'll still be ringing my victims of crime to update them. Being deployed to numerous accidents and non-crime domestics then doing all the paperwork for those (check here in the State of Anarchy II post) and then I'll be catching up on trying to actually investigate some of the other dozen or so crimes on my computer account.. Oh yeah, and making up 2 files from the last two people I charged, doing a full file upgrade for the numpty who pleaded "not guilty" at court because he thinks he can get away with it when the CCTV is clear as a bell and shows him without a doubt!

Argggh! When will it end?

Can we not just get on with our job for once and let them hire secretaries to take care of the paperwork, publicity managers to get us good street cred and endear us to the public and a common sense merchant to get rid of the senior management waffle and take us back to the principles of policing - and actually get to patrol the streets.

SatNav

2009-07-12T13:07:00.003+01:00

Just a completely off-topic type post while I am enjoying a rare day off..

I find it interesting how when you ring people up and you are going to visit someone you haven't visited before (at their house etc) and you explain that all you need is a postcode and street number because you have a satellite navigation device...

...they still want to explain exactly how to get there, turn by turn.

I just thought it was something quite novel. I've noticed it a few times... (Don't get me wrong, it's nice that people still explain how to get to their houses - just an interesting thing of note.)

Roadblocks - what's the point in arguing with me about it?

2009-07-10T23:37:00.004+01:00

I just love going to block off the road and deliberately inconvenience everyone who uses that road by telling them to take another way home because [insert inane reason here].

Actually no. I loathe blocking off roads. Specially big / busy ones because to be honest I don't like having every second motorist abuse the living crap out of me or people come up and tell me I'm some jumped up little N*zi or something like that. I hate it. But in the interests of the safety of the public at large and more importantly the safety of my colleagues kneeling in the middle of the road attempting to preserve the life of a knocked down pedestrian I will gladly block ANY road for as long as is necessary no matter how much of an inconvenience it is...

Why do the motorists using the road 'think' that I have blocked off the road? I don't know to be perfectly honest but I think they are 110% convinced I've done it to personally spite THEM! and to personally inconvenience THEM! and of course no one else, it is all about them!

None too long back I raced out on a Friday late shift at about 4 minutes past the starting point of my shift and about 30 minutes after peak hour had set in... I knew before I left the station that I wasn't the only unit being deployed but it was only lates turning out, day shift was going off duty. I know that the area car was going out along the most direct route to the accident scene. I yelled at the area car driver that I'd turn up on the other side of the accident and block the road. I then turned out and took the long drive on blues to the far side of the accident (it's about another 5 - 10 miles to get around all-be-it on bigger roads).

I arrived at the village where I needed to block the road. I know the area car had arrived at the scene and called "all services" which means that it's likely to be a Fatal RTI. A MoP had been hit by something fairly big and was dying in the middle of the road in the next village along.. so I prepared for a long wait and deployed what little resources I had available to me to assist with my roadblock. This involved a probationer and a local PCSO who just happened to be on my side of the accident scene and who came up to help out knowing that I would need it on arrival.

So I had set up my roadblock at the main intersection leaving the village (this is a large village - almost a small town) and I was re-directing traffic back up through another road in the village and back on to the main A road which runs around the back and which will get everyone where they need to go... But of course every second driver stops in the MIDDLE of the intersection to say "I just need to get through...." and they get told politely to drive on as they can't stop there... I've got a probationer with me who walks out and tells them to move then starts answering their questions thus exacerbating the problem. So after a few words of advice the the probationer stands back and waves people through then yells at the ones stopping and tells them to stop up the road and walk back. I eventually send them to walk up the lines of stopped traffic and start telling people that they will be diverted.

Some smart drivers think they can go through the little housing estate and come out half a mile behind me through the roadblock.. needless to say I've thought of that and I've got the local PCSO standing there sending them all back up to me where I smile as I let them back out in to the traffic mayhem to work it out again. The only people who get through the roadblock are those who can PROVE they live in the bit of the road I can see.. so as such live within the first half a mile of the closed road - because after that is a bit of open road before the next village and I'm not letting anyone up there at all.

Then we've got one numpty in a big black SUV (I think it was a stupid Porsche thing) who stops in the middle of the junction and starts to get out of his vehicle and of course brings all 4 roads to a halt!!! My blood pressure begins to rise as does the stress level as everyone tries to drive around him (they did this because the stupid SUV was blocking their view of the police officer directing traffic so they started to move by themselves because they didn't think it would hurt of course).

I manage to make him move a few feet and then he stops and begins abusing me saying "I only live just up there..>" pointing of course through my roadblock.

I very politely say "The road is closed sir. Sorry but you will need to move your vehicle" to which I receive a load of verbal abuse and the same "But I only live just up there..>" with the same pointing motion.

After about the third repeat of his statement and pointing and abuse I walk over to him leaving the probby to direct some traffic (I worry though he's not done that before on a junction/road THIS busy). I walk up to numpty and say "Just where is 'just up there'?" and the numpty starts off by saying "just up there" with nothing further than that! (Well that helped a lot didn't it..)

So with my stress levels rising I say "Where is 'just up there'?" (followed immediately by) "and please be a little more specific, 100 yards, half a mile, 4 miles?" and I try like hell not to sound overly sarcastic. He tells me it's "just the other side of the roundabout" with his very impertinent and impatient tone as he sits in this big shiny poor excuse for a vehicle - I know that the roundabout is the OTHER SIDE of the RTI and it's also quite a number of miles off.. So I remain as calm as I can while at this point about every third car is honking their horn and becoming more and more irate and I just want this idiot to leave... I've now got a queue of around 300 cars on the 4 roads coming to this junction!

I say "That's the other side of the blockage sir, you will have to drive around another way.." and he abuses me a bit more and says he will drive through. He then starts off by asking how to get around so I asked how long he'd lived there (apparently only 25 years and he didn't know another road home - idiot). By this point I've got a bit pissed off with his attitude, his abuse, and his disregard for anything other than himself, oh and of course his insistence that he be allowed through my roadblock which was obviously there just to annoy him, of course with lots of cars now blocking up everywhere that I can see I want him moved and say something vaguely along the lines of "Sir, I am sure that the person laying in the middle of the road dying would appreciate your driving through this road block and past him as he takes his last breath in the middle of the road... Drive on, follow the traffic and move out of the intersection.. Good day sir."

(While I was majorly pissed off I was of course still polite!)

I waited weeks to be hauled in to the Inspectors office for a chat about this incident but strangely it didn't happen.

Oh yeah, traffic turned up after a long while and while some of their units went to the accident scene another came and took over from me - thankfully!! and I went off and stood somewhere quiet for a few minutes just to calm down.

Of course I don't block off roads for the fun of it. It is ridiculous but a lot of motorists seem to feel that it's done just to annoy and inconvenience them. Of course it's not. We do it for YOUR safety and OUR safety. We know how much it inconveniences you so we don't like to do it for longer than is needed but please, have some patience, courtesy, and just keep moving in the direction you are being waved. Please, DO NOT block up the intersection to ask if the road is closed "OF COURSE IT IS CLOSED, THAT'S WHY I AM HERE!!!" And NEVER try to cut through a residential street to come out the other side of a police roadblock. We can't be everywhere but YOU could kill someone by doing that, the road is blocked for a VERY GOOD REASON and sometimes I cannot tell you why that is but believe me when I say it's best if you don't know right at that time...

It was the posts by various and sundry about Cordons that made me think of this particular roadblock. It's frustrating for all, remember however that for the one person standing in the middle of the intersection in a yellow jacket it's even more frustrating when you stop and stuff it all up or vent your frustrations on him/her - we are just trying to do our job as well so please just drive on, slowly and safely because of course everyone else is frustrated and confused as well...

Why, oh why...?

2009-07-08T17:24:00.002+01:00

Why have I created this blog?

Am I that dissatisfied with my job?

If I am so dissatisfied why don't I quit? (this one is just for Pete (read the comments of the last post dear readers!))

I get a great deal of satisfaction from my job. It's still is the best job in the world. It is also the worst job in the world. After all, where do you get to drive fast cars with blue lights and sirens.. but then you have to leave the accident scene and visit a family and tell them their loved one is not coming home?

Where do you get to go out and arrest really bad people and take them off the streets out of circulation of the general public so that they can sleep safely in their beds at night? But on the other hand you have to spend 16 hours (on a 9 hour shift?) putting together the file so that it can go to court at 0930 in the morning!!

For me, I'm a straight forward kind of person. I am plain spoken and tell it like it is. When I think the system is wrong I tell my colleagues and supervisors, but even they do not have the power to change things that the Home Office put in place. The only people who do are the voting public who can take what they learn to their member of parliament and have the system changed for if they don't learn of the wrongs then they cannot be righted.

The modern British Police are not so very much removed from the ideals put in place by Sir Robert Peel so very long ago:-

The basic mission for which the police exist is to prevent crime and disorder.
The ability of the police to perform their duties is dependent upon public approval of police actions.
Police must secure the willing co-operation of the public in voluntary observance of the law to be able to secure and maintain the respect of the public.
The degree of co-operation of the public that can be secured diminishes proportionately to the necessity of the use of physical force.
Police seek and preserve public favour not by catering to public opinion but by constantly demonstrating absolute impartial service to the law.
Police use physical force to the extent necessary to secure observance of the law or to restore order only when the exercise of persuasion, advice and warning is found to be insufficient.
Police, at all times, should maintain a relationship with the public that gives reality to the historic tradition that the police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence
Police should always direct their action strictly towards their functions and never appear to usurp the powers of the judiciary.
The test of police efficiency is the absence of crime and disorder, not the visible evidence of police action in dealing with it.

The above 9 principles of Policing were the cornerstone of the British Police. So where did we go so wrong? We allowed MANAGERS and shiny arses to take control of the police. To Bureaucratize it. To govern it. To control it and put it under the control of politicians who only want to win votes!

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 7 are all still pretty much as they should be.

5 is completely wrong as the governing bodies set targets for police to achieve so instead of remaining impartial we chase targets which is completely wrong...

8 is still as it should be however the judiciary are also being interfered with by government, as such they are becoming ineffectual and a joke.

9 is the one that gets to me the very most.. Why are we chasing targets? Just let us go out and arrest the bad guys and put them before a just, effectual and efficient judiciary who can give appropriate sentences for appropriate crimes...

To answer the first three questions at the very top of this post..

Yes, I love my job...

But grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference;

and for the other things I can but blog!

Stats yet again!

2009-07-07T14:13:00.004+01:00

So this time the Home Office has been accused of manipulating the stats which show how much time we ACTUALLY spend out policing the streets instead of doing Home Office paperwork.

I'll tell you straight forward, right now.. Home Office Stats usually are bound to be wrong..

For instance. If I stop you on the street at 2am and ask you what you are doing near an industrial building (and you say walking the dog and then it comes trotting out of the undergrowth) I have to fill in a form (great use of police time there when there is no crime!)

So I duly fill in my form with 42 odd questions on it, several of which are related to YOUR ETHNICITY. What the F*&K has your ethnicity got to do with me or anyone else?

I first have to select your IC code which says what "I" think your ethnicity is. Who am I to be able to say that. After all, what I say is Asian is apparently Oriental, etc.. odd really.

I then have to ask you to define your own ethnicity.. Personally I find this demeaning and belittling to ask people and I always apologise for it. If I can possibly avoid asking you your own ethnicity I will do so. Why should I ask? It makes no difference at all as to how I deal with you as a criminal, or a victim of crime... These are called the 16+1 codes and believe me when I've had a lot of people who didn't understand what the hell I was on about when I asked them to define their own ethnicity.

I will then ask you what your Nationality is!! Holy Crap, it's the Spanish Inquisition!!!!

You haven't committed any crime, you were walking your dog right?? You aren't even suspected of a crime.

So why do we ask all these questions?

To add to H.O. statistics on how many people are stopped and of what ethnicity they are. Hmmm.... such a great topic I could start here which would open a can of worms like you wouldn't believe!!

As for me - I refuse to define my ethnicity. After all. Why should I? It's got nothing to do with ANYONE other than ME! - I do NOT like the option of "Not Stated" as it sounds wishy-washy, tell the police officer to write that you "refuse to define".

Tomorrow I'm going to write about the new possible Pay Freeze on Police, Nurses and Teachers... stay tuned...

Heat Stroke & Body Armour

2009-07-03T13:49:00.003+01:00

Just a quick intermission break post. I put this as a comment on Inspector Gadgets blog

Just a tip for anyone reading through all the comments. Don’t drink ICE COLD water when the temperature is way up high (30’s) as it will only shock your body.. The water should be cool but not ice cold.

And be sure to stay out of the sun if you can. If you are directing traffic in the sun you should have someone come and replace you after 30 – 45 minutes, if they say they cannot have you replaced then you run a VERY, VERY high risk of getting Heat Stroke (Which can KILL!)

Heat Stoke is caused by the body not being able to dissipate heat fast enough. Of course wearing body armour and a stupid yellow thing standing in the sun works wonders for the body and it's efficient cooling systems! Either take off your body armour and direct traffic or keep drinking LOTS of fluids, attempt to stand in the shade..
Information about Heat Stroke can be found here:

http://www.medicinenet.com/heat_stroke/article.htm

Or if you’d prefer the NHS word on it:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/heat-exhaustion-and-heatstroke/Pages/Introduction.aspx

It’s serious. So take care out there..

A little experiment for you to try.

2009-07-02T21:59:00.003+01:00

Rightio, now for a little bit of fun... sad that this is for kicks huh~?

Of course we all work in horrible buildings. Police stations were built long ago. They were not fit for purpose when they were built, nor are they now. They are old, poorly designed, have no cross ventilation or air conditioning or even fans. We need purpose built police stations with proper offices, proper lighting, proper ventilation and purpose designed and built!

What I'd like to know is......

What temperature is it in your police station (versus outside temp)?

While we are at it... Do you have air-con anywhere in the police station?

I find it interesting that if our buildings were private business premises we would be given air-con or at least some form of air circulation equipment... or we could walk out and refuse to work in them due to health and safety issues. But of course not for us!

Where ARE all the police?

2009-07-01T18:20:00.004+01:00

Well it may come as a surprise, it may not.

I work as a response officer. I've seen my shift butchered for just about everything.. the area we cover used to have shifts of about 15 or more officers and today barely has 5 if we are very lucky!!

Nationwide though....

Ok, we've got a bunch of cops off on sick. A bunch on annual leave. A bunch on maternity leave. Oh yeah, let's not forget the bunch on "light duties" because they apparently have stubbed their toe or are frightened to work nights or they have some issue around childcare or something that apparently precludes them from doing real police work.

You'd think that'd be about it wouldn't you? That PROBABLY makes up for around 15-20% of cops who aren't on the streets... This is normal. It's accounted for (mostly) and it's a part of operating ANY business/organisation in Britain today.

Then you get the next bit..

You've got PC's abstracted from shift to cover Gaoler positions. We, like most other forces in the country have CIVILIANISED many positions, this is one of them... so WHY are PC's covering for Gaolers? Then you've got PC's covering for front desk staff in the station! Again, another Civvie position.. so why is a warranted officer covering that?

The above officers who aren't on shift, aren't deployable, aren't available for jobs are NOT an abstraction from shift strength (so apparently we don't need more people on the street on a Friday late shift???)

Add to the above the officer out doing a half day course that she asked for 18 months before. She's not abstracted either. But she isn't deployable!

And perhaps the other officer with a bail return.

Oh, we've now got 1, maybe 2 officers available for jobs... come the first RTI with anything complicated and we are all stuffed.

Oh yeah, that's not what we were discussing though.

So the rest of the officers.. considering that we've got more police in this country than ever before in the history of policing.

Where are they?

You guessed it.

They'll be sitting in some cushy little office somewhere adding notes to your case files telling you how you did something wrong, or telling you to go and do something because THEIR department doesn't have the time to do it (or simply don't want to leave their air conditioned office to do it).. or tasking you to do other complete loads of nonsense. And generally just creating more work and more confusion for everyone (empire building, it's great isn't it?)

And we've got the OTHER initiatives which are created thanks to the Home Office saying "Let's create this and it'll make the police more efficient because there aren't enough police on the streets!!!" Like F*&k, we aren't on the streets because of the mountains of paperwork created by stupid empire building wankers!

Here's one... like bringing back Beat officers so they can sit in their office and ignore the radio.. then get up, drive through where you are struggling as a lone officer directing traffic at a busy 4 way intersection on their way to a VERY IMPORTANT MEETING (thus why they couldn't help you). Most other countries that I've visited have only ONE type of police officer.. they are out on the streets no matter what!

Oh yeah, there are millions of these. I could name dozens of little things that were invented in just the last 3 or 4 years which have taken front line police officers off the front line!

Why can't we just have POLICE. All police can be deployed to a job, no matter what you are doing unless you are busy in custody. WHY do we need a specific officer to "apparently" walk along your streets? I'll tell you what the ONLY officer who walks along MY street is a Community Support Officer!!! I've NEVER seen the police in my street otherwise.. (Despite calling them to the louts down the road who never seem to quit being noisy).

I'm appalled by it all. I pay my tax and I say we should have less bureaucracy and more police back out on the streets, doing things that are useful and right.

Oh it just pisses me right off! I could rant for days on this subject... and of course I could dig up figures if I had to.. actual proper percentages for where the police are and why they aren't on the streets but hey.. I'm sure you can use your imagination and picture the shiny arses writing manuals and printing out guidelines on how the real police should do their job!

Where have all the Police gone?

2009-06-24T00:22:00.003+01:00

So back to our regularly scheduled programming..

I want to take a few lines to explain about the situation of POLICING in the UK these days. I cannot really speak however for Scotland, firstly having never been there, nor knowing any Scottish Police, and also because the Scots seem to be quite straight forward and probably wouldn't stand for any of the complete crap that the Westminster lot pile upon us down here.

So I started to look through news reports.. Back in 2003 there were reportedly almost 140,000 police officers, the numbers only went up from that point, I think the police officer numbers hit an all time high of somewhere near 145,000 officers in 2008. These figures are JUST for England and Wales!

Now with all these police officers you must start thinking ok, so why aren't they out patrolling our neighbourhoods or walking our streets???

So in 2007 the Telegraph did a story which stated that only 1 in 58 Police Officers was actually out patrolling. Scary thought really. That means out of 145,000 Police in England and Wales there are only 2,500 out on the streets?? WTF???????

So IF those figures are correct that is 1 Police Officer to about 26,000 members of the public. Well below the figures that it should be. Can you imagine 1 Police Officer trying to control 26,000 irate people? Not going to happen is it?

Right, so actually, where are they?????

(I'll try to get to that one in the next post but I am interested in where you think they are, so please leave a comment with your thoughts on where the other 142,500 Police officers are...)

The Party Politics

2009-06-20T16:33:00.007+01:00

PM says recent weeks among worst

Mr Brown talked frankly in the Guardian interview

Gordon Brown has admitted recent events have been among the worst in his political life and made him think he could "walk away from this tomorrow".

one phrase...

"Good Bye Gordon!"

Oh ok. I couldn't just finish off with that.

Mr Brown. You took control of this nation without being voted for. You turned it upside down. You allowed your politicians to STEAL from the public and then just stood there with a gormless look on your face.

On top of all of that. We finally hear that "SOME" MP's are going to be investigated for their Fraudulent spending of the public's money. What REALLY pisses me off is that taxes are raised every year. The government charges us MORE and MORE for fuel duty, Road Tax, etc, etc.. they tell us they'll drop VAT for a short time but raise other taxes... Yet you allow YOUR MP's to go and do what they like with no repercussions. Come on Gordon, of course it's going to be a bad week, you've been caught! All of you should bugger off out of the way.

So now we see the next headlines about the thieving politicians.

MPs 'over-claimed' on council tax

Several MPs are said to have claimed too much for their council tax

More than 50 MPs have claimed expenses for council tax they have not paid, the Daily Telegraph says.

Where does it end?

When will our MP's become accountable to the public?

The police have to be accountable but it would seem the politicians can do what the hell they like.

Perhaps this lot will just go and quit, resign, or perhaps go and perform Seppuku!

Then we might actually get a group of politicians who actually wants to serve the nation, to do the right thing, to play by the rules as they should be.

Can anyone say "VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE"

Eventually I might get back to my regularly scheduled post of explaining where all the policemen are.. :-)

PC dies on duty

2009-06-18T19:53:00.002+01:00

Officer Killed On Duty

The Kent officer was injured by a vehicle as he attempted to introduce diversions at the scene of an earlier accident...

A police officer has died following an incident on the A249 at the junction with the A2 near Sittingbourne shortly after 8am on Sunday 14 June.

PC Philip Pratt, aged 26, was injured by a vehicle as he attempted to introduce diversions at the scene of an earlier accident. He was treated at the scene by paramedics before being flown to The Royal London hospital in Whitechapel by air ambulance. He was pronounced dead at the hospital a short while later.

Again in a sign of this becoming more and more common. Our thoughts go out to PC Pratts family, friends, and colleagues at this time of sadness.

Take care out there peeps, take care!

The state of Anarchy (II)

2009-06-17T22:20:00.002+01:00

Ok, picture this hypothetical situation........

It's winter. It's a long weekend, Monday. It's 6pm. It's cold and dark outside.

Mr and Mrs SMITH are at home with their 4 lovely children aged 16, 12, 9 and 6.

Around 7.30pm Mr and Mrs SMITH have had a few glasses of wine each and they start an argument because unfortunately their 12 year old son has been getting in to trouble at school. Nothing serious, but the argument becomes a little loud.

The next door neighbour calls the police because the arguing can be heard through the paper thin walls (now there's a shock).

The police arrive and the situation has already calmed down. The police take details and realise that there are NO offences at all. There is no need for anyone to be arrested, but then again apparently someone is supposed to be...??

Police have to check on the kids to make sure they are alright and then take details of ALL 4 children in order to submit 4 separate pieces of paperwork (consisting of around 4 pages each) which get submitted to Social Services. Then there is the paperwork for each adults so any future risks can be assessed..

No offences.

No violence.

No detections.

2 hours of paperwork.

Priceless!

PC Dies in RTI

2009-06-16T19:12:00.003+01:00

Serving Officer Killed

The Leicestershire PC was off duty when his pedal cycle was involved in a collision. He had been ‘Beat Bobby of the Year’ in 2008...

Leicestershire Constabulary have tonight confirmed that a serving police officer was killed in a road traffic collision last Friday.

PC Guy Swatland (49) was a beat officer for the Stoneygate and Knighton beat at Welford Road local policing unit.

Our deepest sympathies go out to PC Swatlands friends, family and colleagues at this time of sorrow. We hope that justice prevails and should the driver of the van be found guilty of causing his death let us hope that the sentencing is adequate.

The state of Anarchy

2009-06-14T18:28:00.008+01:00

I find it particularly shocking that even the Judiciary now feel that it is appropriate to complain about the Government interference in the workings of the Police of this nation as outlined in this story, so I thought I'd have a quick rant about it, after all I'm an outspoken type of person so it works well.

Because I know you value your time I've included an excerpt from the story here:

Whilst summing up after sentencing a father and two sons for GBH on a man who criminally damaged their car, Judge Bray remarked; "Nobody bothers to phone the police anymore. They go round and sort it out themselves - and I know why. It's because the police no longer come round so people go out themselves and deal with it."

Judge Bray has gone on to say a few other things, but in essense he's gone on to criticise the Home Office and the Police. While his criticism of the police has not been directly apportioning blame.

I feel kind of like it's 1 step forward and 3 steps backward for the police these days.

We start to make some progress and then it's all washed away in a media hailstorm.

So, why didn't police respond to the job?

In short, I don't know..

But I can tell you we've had robberies in progress and NO ONE to attend as everyone was committed. Yep, that's EVERYONE who was covering the entire area of our district. So where is the problem here?

Oh yeah.. firstly there aren't enough Police to cope.

Secondly we have far too much stupid paperwork and stupid expectations when it should be completed and how (I'll nag on the paperwork for "domestics" in my next post, you'll love it.)

Third we are covering areas far too large for the amount of officers we have available.

Fourth we spend far too much time chasing Home Office set Detections and making sure we can keep to our TARGET for the month instead of actually going out to be PROACTIVE in our patrolling! (Oh yeah, we are supposed to be Proactive but it's hard when you've got 12 crimes on your account that you are supposed to be progressing, you've got to update your "victims" every 7 days because the boss says so, and you still have to find the time to go out and find a bad person to arrest!!!!)

Let's get real.

Each shift of PC's needs someone who is employed to do our paperwork/reports etc. So I can come in, provide a copy of my pocket note book with the details for the domestic that I've just been to, that person then sits there and diligently adds those details on to the computer system, they fill out the relevant paperwork and submit it all for filing.. THEN that means that I (a SWORN CONSTABLE) can go back out on to the streets 3 hours earlier and perhaps STOP the idiots from the first part of Judge Brays problem causing the Criminal Damage in the first place.. Or perhaps turn up and arrest them prior to the original Victims of Crime going around and beating the living crap out of them!

INSTEAD this is what we get...

http://www.policeoracle.com/news/Police-Budget-Cuts-Irrational-and-Indefensible_19294.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/surrey/8070568.stm

I'm just so pissed off that I'm not even going to make those links look nice. Just click them and you'll get the idea.

The government caps the budgets, cuts the budgets, causes police to cut money from one part of a budget and send it to another part of the budget just to keep things going. I think I will have to have a rant about this further at some point.. but at the moment I'll leave you with the feeling that yes, I'm pissed off.

So of course the public take action in to their own hands. I'm dealing with a guy at the moment for just the same thing, he grabbed someone and gave them a damned good telling off for damaging his property and I have to arrest him????? WTF!

The government proudly says that there are more police constables in this country than ever before. Yep, there is. That's great.

There is also MORE PEOPLE in this country than ever before. There is also MORE CRIME in this country than ever before. And when you work it out there is just 1 police constable per around 500 people. And while that looks really good I can go on for hours about how it's not, and perhaps that'll make another post next week.

It's frustrating as hell. No wonder I'm going grey!

So many things...

2009-06-09T15:29:00.003+01:00

There are just so many things to talk about in the news this week.. it's hard to choose just one.

So I'm going to flit about it all somewhat and just give some general opinions.

The new Home Secretary: I hate politicians as they are generally a complete waste of space. Let's just hope this one does a better job than the last stupid cow, surely he couldn't be any worse. Plain and simple.

Cops put the wrong fuel in to patrol cars... ok, I've not done this one.. BUT I can see how easily it could be done. So, lets commission a study in to how many members of the public manage to do just the same thing in a 12 month period before we talk about how much money the police have spent on getting tanks flushed!

Part of the problem of course stems from the fact that half of our police cars are diesel and half are petrol. You have to be reminded. Or perhaps part of the fault should come down to the fuel retailers for not having the PUMP NOZZLES clearly labeled.. go in to one high street retailer and ALL the pumps are black!! put BIG clear labels on the pump heads and save EVERYONE a lot of problems... In most countries the COLOURS on the pump heads (the handle bits that you hold) are UNIFORMLY THE SAME throughout ALL retailers, this is to stop this problem..

And lastly for today, because I'm completely bored waiting for work to start... Another police chopper damaged! It absolutely is beyond belief that these VITAL pieces of equipment are NOT behind massive fences in secure areas.. complete with dog patrols, security, or even a full CCTV system if nothing else... I'm pretty sure OURS is!!!

So.. why is it that after the Surrey Police chopper was damaged a very short while ago other forces didn't do anything to increase security of their own mega-million pound investments?

Staggering isn't it?

I would have thought that it was plain and simple, you protect your equipment, specially as choppers save lives. Not only the lives of the police who are on the ground, the lives of the criminals we chase, and the lives of the general public who we can rescue because of the chopper directing us straight to them!

Oh yeah, a question for you guys..

What would you like to see written in this blog? (I may not change anything but a bit of feedback is always a good thing)

Drugged up idiots..

2009-06-08T21:58:00.005+01:00

Waaaaay back when I was posted in Big Smoke City in Southernshire... I was crewed with an Area Car driver. We were double crewed most of the time because of the sorts of things we attended.

So on this particular day I was busy in custody and my colleague the area car driver decided that he was bored and would go out for a quick drive on this particular late shift.. I distinctly remember his comments later about how he knew 5 minutes after leaving that he should've just waited for me... Always nice to know I'm wanted for something, even if it's to be cannon fodder for the area car drivers..

So Josh (who's about 5'5"-7" tall) goes out for a bit of a pootle about. Immediately managing to get flagged down by a member of the public who's alleging that a 18 stone 6'0 tall completely looney (off his guts on something illegal) idiot has just come up and smacked them in the chops without any form of provocation.

Josh being a good lad decides that he's going to call for some backup and just as he's doing this the drugged up numpty decides he's going to have a go at the cop. Good move idiot features!

Josh tells the fella to get back, he doesn't listen, he grabs hold of Josh and Josh empties an entire can of CS in to his gob at close range! (shame I missed that one)

Drugged Up Numpty goes down like a sack of shit crying and with snot running out of his face everywhere.

Josh manages to try and cuff him up as best he can... he then realises that if the idiot tries to get up he might have a problem, he promptly sits on him... he then remains sitting on him until the van and another area car arrive to back him up.. (I heard that bit from the other area car driver who told me they came around the corner to see my partner sitting on the back of some man-mountain who was all snotty and horrid on the tarmac). This all happened in the middle of a fairly busy road as well.

I have a very interesting memory of seeing Josh taking numpty out of the back of the van at the nick. Seeing the fella try to spit in his general direction, whether or not he was simply trying to clear his throat or not I don't know, but Josh doesn't take kindly to it. I've come out to assist Josh because I had almost finished with my person in custody.. and Josh had called me up and asked me to meet him in the back yard.

We are buzzed through in to the holding cell. Numpty tries to spit again and it takes a good 4 of us to put him down on the floor at this point.. Oh yeah, and he's pissed off.. mind you though, once he's down he's down.. just a matter of keeping him still and quiet, which he wasn't going to do... he's deciding to be rather noisy and annoying.

Strangely he was a completely different fella when he was interviewed, all calm and polite, and apologising for his having a go at Josh...

Another one bites the dust 'ey? ;-)

Half a pint of snot

2009-06-05T13:14:00.005+01:00

A while back (last summer I think) one of my colleagues was really quick off the mark with his CS spray.

Now don't get me wrong, he's certainly done a good job. La'dickhead had reached out of sight for something and put his hand behind his back... he could've had anything.

The only thought running through my head at the time was "am I going to live through this shift".

So I've thought about posting this one and I've decided that to post it directly after my moaning about our stab vests is highly appropriate positioning.

I wasn't directly in the line of fire but as it turned out when I had nimbly moved around and managed to pin La'dickhead on the ground and get some bracelets on him there was only one problem.. As he had been suitably marinaded in CS and he had ended up on the ground with me pretty much on top of him pulling his arms instantly behind his back (a-la-Pat & Carl style) EVERY SINGLE ONE of the CS particles that hadn't affected him decided to fly straight in to my face.

La'dickhead gets dragged outside and sat on the gutter, despite the fact that I'm suffering from the effects of the CS it is plainly clear that he's got it far worse than me, besides, being the abject professional that I am I didn't say a great deal other than "damn, that's not nice". I get my colleague to stand there waving at La'dickheads face to keep the air moving on him.. I walk away about 10 yards and OMG I didn't know that you could blow out a half a pint of snot in ONE GO!

10 minutes later we are on the road on the way to custody with windows down and my sinuses feel GREAT.

Though I don't recommend CS as a sinus decongestant, but it is very good at that.

Oh yeah, you may remember that La'dickhead picked something up.. It was his cigarette. So why did he have to act like an moron and make us both wonder if we were going to die horribly? (Sometimes I wonder why I do this? I love my job but I DON'T want to die for it)

And now for something completely different...

2009-05-26T02:49:00.002+01:00

So we've had 2 unseasonably warm days at work.

That's completely out of the ordinary it would appear for this country. I must say that I've never quite gotten used to the bizarre weather that Britain is renowned for. In general, I reckon it's pretty crap.

So anyway, back to the weather of the last two days.

It's somewhere around 25+ degrees Celsius and we still have to wear our stab vests. If we are found not wearing them by the bosses we can be disciplined for not following policies. Anyway, at 25+ degrees when wearing a stab vest the heat under the vest becomes somewhere around 40 degrees at a guess. (I really must measure the temp on the next nice, hot day). And still, we must wear it.

Ok, so here's my thought. Our policies for wearing the uniform issue standard stab proof vest (which is apparently also ballistics proof, but I don't want to test it), are out of date and put in place by a shiny ass. Basically, put there by someone who is so far removed from the modern day practicalities of policing that it's not funny. Someone who hasn't been out to a common, garden variety, domestic dispute in the best part of half a decade or more and who basically sits on their behind and makes decisions which affect those of us on the pointy end of policing. Response. To a lesser degree also the NBT's, Neighbourhood Beat Teams.

I was employed by the police because I am able to make quick, spur of the moment, sensible and informed decisions based on the information that I have at hand. So why must I be told to wear my vest, or be forced to wear it?

Surely, if I am attending old Missus Miggens address to have a cup of tea, and a biscuit and talk about her nuisance youth problem with the boys from down at number 17 who kick the football against her side wall... then there is very little danger to me.

Then on the next level, if I'm attending Joe Smiths house because there is some thought that he and his buddies are having a party and it's getting out of hand.. well, common sense would dictate that I should wear my vest right, after all, I might actually be going in to harms way.

Next step up and I'm going to Mr & Mrs Franks address because they are having a very loud verbal domestic where the neighbour has also heard at least one piece of furniture breaking. Well if I didn't wear my vest to this I'd be a bloody idiot!!

Well I'm sure you'll agree that I am more likely to die from heat stroke than anything else. After all with my body pumping out pints of sweat every hour because of the 40+ degree temperature under the vest.. and the fact that it just isn't able to be ventilated.. uggh, disgusting isn't it?

Let me be an adult and make up my own mind as to where and when I should be wearing this stupid thing. Yes, it's a great bit of kit. A few years ago we didn't have them and I'm happy to have a vest. But by and large we don't need them and they just make us look more militaristic!

On top of all of that.. what do you think that wearing this lump of kevlar on my shoulders for the next 20 years is going to do to my spine?

Did I overstep the mark?

2009-05-21T00:22:00.003+01:00

Hmmm, perhaps I've overstepped the mark as pointed out by Area in the comments on my previous post...

As he quite rightly pointed out the DPS (read "Police Police") prowls the interweb thingie for stuff like this.. they prowl for disgruntled coppers who might want to VENT their frustrations against the system which is wholly corrupted and wrong.

Oh yeah, of course it is corrupted when you can become a politician, then you can STEAL thousands of pounds of OUR taxpayers money, then you stand up on National TV and say "Sorry, I didn't think it was right (but I still bloody did it)" and of course then it's all bloody good and perfect and you are forgiven! Not in my bloody book. GO TO COURT AND SERVE YOUR BLOODY TIME IN PRISON. After all, if I took £1 of taxpayers money without justifying what every penny was for then I would end up in court and probably get sent down for it as an example!!!

And on top of that of course if we have some "travelers" to call them by the Politically Correct term who think they can do anything they bloody want, they often DO whatever they want because we are too busy chasing our own tails to actually stop them. After all, we would be afraid of dealing with them for fear of saying something politically incorrect and getting investigated because of the complaint that would follow (and spend 18 months of our lives waiting for a result on that complaint despite not doing anything wrong).

I became a cop to do two things mainly.. those are preserve human life and catch the bad guys... I did NOT become a cop to count cannabis cautions, public order tickets/arrests, or arrests for crimes which just don't seem important but get a Home Office approved detection. I DID however want to catch drink drivers, want to catch burglars, want to catch robbers, want to catch those who have total and utter contempt for the law and the general public and the society which we all belong to.. And of course many other things.

We should be chasing criminals, not detections. We should be prosecuting the criminals, not being persecuted by them when we say something and they put in a complaint which takes 18 months to resolve... Oh yeah, and then we are SOOOoo scared to speak our mind against the corrupt and wrong system and so afraid to speak our true feelings, we are also so bloody afraid to actually speak the truth because it might not be Politically Correct or it might UPSET someone.. Heaven forbid that we should actually upset a criminal..

What IS the world coming to when the police are scared to do their jobs because of the problems it might personally cause us???

Perhaps I'm in the wrong job. Perhaps the Inspector was right when he told me it was the nature of the beast.. Perhaps, just perhaps this is all a very bad dream and the job I loved actually still is the job I loved........

I don't know about much. I do know however that if I have to keep looking over my shoulders and worrying whether or not the DPS are going to come and infringe my Right to a Personal Life then perhaps I'll just shut up...

Scum.

2009-05-19T15:07:00.005+01:00

Surrey Police Helicopter gets smashed up <-- I found this story and thought it worth commenting on.. after all, it's been a "Q" week in Southernshire, only 3 murders, 7 GBHs, and 2 Stranger rapes.. not much to write about! (oh yeah, I'm joking about the 3 murders, 7 GBH and 2 rapes! None of these happened.. thus why I've not posted.)

Back to the police chopper!

So... first thing that comes to mind is why does Surrey not have their helipad somewhere more secure to begin with??? this is an expensive piece of tax payer funded crime fighting equipment. That is ludicrous, a 4 foot wall!!

Secondly, where was the SECURITY detail for the site? Surely a bunch of do-as-you-likey scum wandering up to the edge of the helipad in a bunch of white trannie vans with orange beacons on top should've been noticed by SOMEONE!!! Specially considering the NATURE of the site being a Police Helipad!!!!!!!!!

And why has no one yet been identified? Did the area surrounding the location not have any form of CCTV or anything? These idiots aren't smart enough to have actually been disguising themselves, after all, we all know that pikey scum is above the laws of our country and as such they are untouchable in a court of law because they'll make the jury think that they are poor, mis-understood and picked on innocent people.. but of course the jury never hears the full story do they?

Shameful. Makes us, the Police, look like a complete f*%king joke!

And on top of that, I just do NOT understand why we allow CRIMINALS like this to roam freely around our streets! I do hope that the raid has been carried out and that loads of shitbags have been arrested.

Oh yeah, I buzz my travellers sites quite regularly, and I reckon we should be MORE in their faces.

A bunch of bloody criminals!

2009-05-13T17:29:00.003+01:00

Anywhere else in the world but in England.

MP's Pay back money as you can see from that quick GOOGLE search there is stacks of stories about this.

I also know that I'm not the first cop to blog about it..

But I just feel that I have to have my own 2 pence worth of a say because otherwise it'll build up in me like a rage and I'll go to Westminster and have it out with the first idiot MP that I see on the street!

So, as an MP you earn how much money?

I thought I'd do some research... and Alan KEEN has posted up details from 2004. I don't actually know who he is, but his information came up first in Google. (AND I AM NOT saying that Alan KEEN has done anything wrong, but it gives a good guide as to how much money MP's are making off of OUR backs when we can't even afford to fuel up the car)

Anyway, it would appear that they are on SUBSTANTIALLY MORE than the average citizen of the United Kingdom. In fact, around double what I earn and they don't get spat at, have punches thrown at them, or have to struggle to pay rent or a mortgage!

So a £60,000/annum salary PLUS expenses???

Reading through Alan KEENS information from his website it would appear that the average MP if they are smart can rake in well over a hundred grand without even trying. Specially if they cut back on their own 'staff' etc.

SO WHY are they allowed to then claim MORE expenses for 2nd houses and so on when MOST PEOPLE cannot even afford a 1st house? Clearly they've got the money to not have to worry about things like trouser presses and should be paying for it out of their own bloody pocket, not ours.

If I fiddled my expenses forms at work I wouldn't just be dismissed from the office of constable I would ALSO be brought up on misconduct charges, probably fraud or at the very least theft charges and I would have to explain myself in court where, if I lost, the court would throw the book at me to set an example.

So why hasn't a SINGLE MP been arrested and charged as yet for any of their dishonesty offences which they have ADMITTED PUBLICALLY ON TV!!!!?????!?!?!?!

ARREST and CHARGE the bloody lot of them. THEN cancel ALL second house allowances. Can the entire bloody lot of them and call a full general election so that we might actually get a government that we voted for, not someone who was grandfathered in because he was best buddies with the last tosser in government.. and let's teach these over-paid, under-worked idiots what it's like to actually be on the breadline, or on the dole queue, or perhaps just living real life, commuting because you can't afford to live anywhere near work due to overinflated housing prices, or scrimping to buy the kids a treat on the school holidays because you earn crap wages and your wife has to stay at home to look after the kids because babysitting is so expensive.

I want to know who's responsible, I want some action, and I want it now. ALL THE CRIMINAL SCUM should be charged and put before a JURY of their PEERS (YES, US, the PUBLIC!)

Bail Warrants suck!

2009-05-13T16:49:00.003+01:00

Right, so I came in for briefing for a late shift on day. I think it was like a 1400 hours start time back then. As with everything in the police it's been changed about 6 times in the last year so who bloody knows!

Anyway, the Sgt gives me a task for the evening. I have to go and locate a random woman Ms Happy Heifer and Arrest her on a "Bail Warrant" which is a bit of a misnomer really.. after all, if you are going to BAIL someone, why arrest them in the first place? Anyway, she'd not paid £600 of council tax or something. (So?)

So basically, a Bail Warrant, the idea is that you arrest the subject and instantly inform them (with lots of paperwork) that you are BAILING THEM to appear in "whichever court is specified" on a date to be worked out (several are usually given as examples).

I dutifully think rightio, that's straight forward (yer right) and pop out in my vehicle and toddle on around to Ms Happy Heifers house in an effort to get this straight forward and simple job over and done with at the beginning of the shift.

Surprise, surprise, no one is at home. I breath a sigh of relief and get ready to beat a hasty retreat when a neighbour (who's heard me bashing on the door in this block of flats) sticks their head out and says "Is everything a'right?" I have to try fairly hard to not say something like mind your own business, but I smile and say, oh yes, everything is fine, have you seen Ms Heifer today? and the neighbour says that she's probably visiting the fellow in flat 2 or is just down the road at some random persons address who they can't tell me because they've just seen her sitting on the step there.. but she's always there, apparently.

I thank the neighbour and make good my get-away, but for appearances sake I go and knock at number 2. No answer. I drive out and along the end of the close and back again looking like I am trying to find Ms Happy Heifer, but of course I've got NO IDEA what she looks like so it's pretty useless looking, but like I say, it's for appearances sake.

Shift was due to finish at around midnight I think. I know that night shift was starting at around 2200 hours but it could've been earlier, or later, never quite sure these days. Anyway I've gone back to Ms Happy Heifers address. It's around 2100 hours. I've been caught up doing proper policing like taking crime reports for thefts and burglaries.

I go in to the block of flats and knock on the door.. Happy herself comes to the door and instantly starts ranting at me!?!???

"Hold Up!" I start with as I ask her if perhaps she'd like to continue this in the privacy of her own flat instead of in the stairwell! She doesn't even stop ranting at me (and I've not said anything else just yet) but she's clearly on a roll here. I get in to the living room and ask her if she'd like to sit down and she refuses and goes on another rant about my telling her what to do in her own flat.... FFS Gimme a Break. This was supposed to be the easy job for the day! I've still got 2 burglaries to write up and a theft I'm thinking as she keeps on ranting.

So eventually she takes a break for a moment and I explain what I'm there for. She instantly starts off on one again. I calmly continue with my explanation that I'm NOT THERE to take her away, I'm only there to bail her to appear in BIG CITY MAGISTRATES COURT about 3 counties across because that's where she lived before. She doesn't care, she just starts sobbing and screaming and carrying on.. she starts going on about how I'm there to take her away and that she refused and so on.. My, my, what a crock.. talk about acting it up! It's not even for anything decent this bail warrant.

So now about 20 minutes have passed since I first arrived. The controllers are aware of where I am and have already checked on me once... I've got Happy Heifer to ring her best friend who's dutifully trotted over to assist her, or me, or both of us. So Ms Trotter arrives.

Ms Trotter comes in to the living room. Happy instantly looks a little better and starts on about how I'm here to arrest her and drag her away and put her in the cells for the night to go to court and that she can't go in the cells because of her back operation and how sick she's been and so on and so forth..

I ask Happy if she is willing to let me discuss her private matters with Ms Trotter, she indicates that she is and then starts screaming at me again.. Ms Trotter and I walk in to the hall where the screaming is slightly less and I explain the purpose of the Bail Warrant and that it's ONLY an arrest in order to say "YOU ARE REQUIRED TO ATTEND XYZ COURT ON B DAY AT C TIME" and nothing more. Ms Trotter understands straight away that I am NOT the big bad nasty 6 foot storm trooper from the evil empire of the overlords on the deathstar that I have been made out to be.

Ms Trotter manages to get Happy Heifer up off the floor and on to the sofa. They chat and I simply stand back. Eventually Happy calms down and says to me "Ok, What's all of this that I have to do?" so I start off at the beginning saying all the bits that the form says I must read out (and I've explained that I HAVE to read it out) and she gets upset again and starts going off on a tangent. Ms Trotter works her magic as Happy is just sobbing and saying "Take me away, Take me away, I can't be in a cell, I'm in agony" over and over again.

About another 20 mins have passed and control room has checked on me for 3rd time. I've explained at one point that I may have to bring Happy in to the cells as she is not listening. Or alternatively to get someone else to come over and explain as clearly she doesn't want to listen to me. The controller manages to tell me (lucky I use an earpiece) that due to the screaming in the background she's getting me some backup...

Happy Heifer magically calms right down and apologises to me and asks me to read out what I've come for. She said that she understands that I don't want to take her away and so on.. Ms Trotter has explained everything magically (and read it out from the paperwork for her). I do my bit and read out all the spiel on the papers, say all the magic words, emphasise all the good bits about being liable to re-arrest etc for failing to appear and then we all happily sign on the dotted line....................

So, in total around 1 hour and 5 minutes have passed. It's now well after change of shift time. Eventually I am in a calm household, Happy Heifer apologises and states that she's on medication for her back problems after having an operation. She stated that she was upset and didn't listen to me. All seems fine and we part on good terms.

I walk out the door and as I do so I see the Area Car with the night turn officers for the patch pull up and look at me. I wonder on down and they tell me that they've decided that perhaps they should check on me... we thanks fellas!

A simple job? Yeah, The Sgt said "Just do this one for me Blogs, it's fairly straight forward. Just a bail warrant". No thanks! I'll avoid them from now on.

What beast?

2009-05-10T13:48:00.001+01:00

Every time you do something wrong and get hauled in to the Sergeants office to be "talked to" either officially or unofficially you are of course given an opportunity to either give reasons, excuses or to just vent your pent up frustrations.. (I removed my tangent from here)

Anyway, I digressed, so I am in the Sgt's office for about the 3rd time this month and of course getting a rollocking and then I give your reasons and/or vent a little and I get the age old story that goes a little like this:

"you shouldn't fight the system Blogs, it's there for a reason.. It's the nature of the Beast"

What the hell is that supposed to mean FFS?

Firstly, the system is NOT BLOODY PERFECT, therefore fighting the system is good.. because being able to actually get the imperfections changed are important. Right? (obviously I'm actually wrong and it's not important)

The system MAY be there for a reason. But what the hell is the reason because I certainly cannot see what it is supposed to be when everything I do ends up with me getting in to trouble and getting the same friggen speech! And clearly the system needs to adapt with time for the times they are a changing!

The nature of the Beast. What goddamned Beast? Because I am really flummoxed here. I do not work for a BEAST. I do not want to work for a BEAST. I don't even understand what the hell the Sgt is on about.

Then I go to see the Inspector. The Inspector says the same bloody BEAST speech. What the F**K are you on about sir?

So why???

I just do not get it. Everything in the police changes. Not a month goes by where there isn't some sort of change with shifts, or policies, or stupidity, or whatever. It's constant fluctuation isn't it! SO.. why the hell does the "system" never change, or adapt, or even compromise??

OMG it just pisses me off...

So... perhaps it's about time this bloody beast was slain!

CAUTION MAY CONTAIN NUTS

2009-05-08T00:27:00.002+01:00

I have this theory.

After purchasing a pack of nuts from a well known retailer in the UK (which might begin with "S") and then proceeding to take them and consume I began to read the packaging and was completely bloody flabbergasted to see that it clearly says on the back of the package:

Ingredients

Pistachio Nuts.

Allergy advice

Contains nuts.

No Bloody Crap you effing tossers!

After all, if it didn't contain nuts then I WOULDN'T BE BUYING IT!

So now that I've been told the bleeding obvious I thought I'd take this to task..

I noticed the hot water boiler thing on the wall in the kitchen in one of our nicks. On the front of the boiler it clearly has in big bold lettering

CAUTION MAY WATER MAY BE HOT!

So again, we state the bleeding obvious. Why I ask?

Are we complete morons?

After seeing signs around power points saying that you could receive an electric shock and signs on steps saying that you could fall and injure yourself, signs saying that floors may be slippery when wet, and even better signs saying that CONCRETE forecourts on petrol stations may be slippery when wet!!!! I have come to a conclusion.

The end of the human race will NOT come about because of some super bug or Swine Flu, or whatever the next amazingly named bug is. It will come about in a purely stupid fashion...........

0700 hours - Tuesday 14th August 2027 - Jonathon DOE wakes up and goes to the bathroom. He has a shower and is very careful to read the government regulated signs that are around the walls to warn of the dangers of flushing toilets, shaving in front of mirrors that contain real glass, and showering in a small slippery cubicle surrounded by clear glass. DOE manages to survive this perilous task and at...

0728 hours - DOE enters the kitchen and has a bowl of healthy breakfast from a box which clearly states that the product does NOT contain NUTS and which is again regulated by what the government will allow him to eat for fear that he might get a cholesterol level which is one point above what the govt might like him to have. DOE then puts on the kettle to have his cup of caffeine free coffee simulation "pick-me-up" drink.

0729 hours - DOE receives a telephone call whilst he is attempting to iron his work shirt. He answers the call and learns that his mother has slipped/tripped/fallen over in the rain on an otherwise unassuming looking piece of concrete all because some numpty forgot to put out a sign when it started raining.

DOE is now flustered and worried about his mother (rightly so).

0732 hours - The kettle begins to scream and DOE still has not finished ironing his shirt and leaves the iron as he walks to the kettle to pour the water, in doing so DOE fails to notice that the sign which is usually on the front of the kettle the hot water scalds DOE... in the process of being scalded DOE staggers backwards in abject shock and repulsion at this feeling which he does not know after being raised in a virtual cocoon...

0733 hours - As DOE staggers back he knocks over the iron which has burned a lovely hole in his shirt and DOE then falls out the window of his 6th floor flat. He lands face down in the middle of the footpath and at around 0733 and 14 seconds a chain reaction ensues which inevitably brings about the destruction of the entire human race - all because a warning sign fell off of a kettle and DOE was distracted because of his mothers accident which was caused by a warning sign not being placed out early enough.

As a child I played in sand and ate dog shit. I ran on concrete, fell over and have scars to prove that I learned a valuable lesson. I stayed out in the sun and got sunburnt. I had the hot tap too high and burned myself in the bath. These lessons all made me a petty damned responsible adult because I KNOW what risks are and how to avoid being hurt...

Heaven forbid that the HEALTH AND SAFETY CULTURE takes away the ability for child to learn of risks and consequences.

What do you think? Personally, I reckon it's all a crock of shit. We should let people make their mistakes and learn from them. I'm sure Darwin would agree.. oh yeah, and we'd have some great Darwin Awards to hand out.

A Proliferation of Posters

2009-05-06T03:50:00.002+01:00

Fly posting is a crime.

Does that mean I can proceed to catch and deal with the bastard who's putting up all sorts of crap posters in our nicks? (in response to a recent post from Inspector Gadget - thanks for the reminder)

Hmm, I guess not.

It's not detectable is it?

Therefore I'd be criticised for wasting police time on it.

So, these posters are up for what fantastic reason? They are there to tell us "HOW TO WASH OUR HANDS" and yes, it's in big bold letters. For crying out loud, I got through the entire selection process to become a police constable because I have good verbal logical reasoning skills, because I can think on my feet, because I have the innate ability to be able to just do my job, and properly (well most of the time), oh yeah, and a few other reasons.... but hey, or BUT No.. I'm not able to clearly think of doing something my mother taught me to do when I was 3.

I have to be TOLD to and TOLD HOW to wash my bloody hands.

Damnit, get a life.

What is the point? (like I said, I've been doing this rather well for the past hundred years or so!)

On top of that, there are also posters telling me about things like colds and flu (and these were up before this pig flu thing), and posters about various other bits of crap.

Oh yeah, so I feel like I'm a child. I have to be TOLD to wash my hands. Sorry, but I was raised well. It is a matter of course for me! I have to be TOLD to use a tissue and bin germs? Bloody hell. This is PROTECTIONISM gone insane. We are adult human beings who do an adult job, who make life and death decisions, treat us like adults!

Bugger it. I think I might go to work tomorrow and have a big stinking shit in the toilet. NOT flush it because there is a sign saying to flush the toilet. In fact I will have to move around a bit to make sure it slides down the bowl leaving nasty marks.

I will then walk out of the bog without washing my hands, because there is a sign that says I should wash my hands.

I'll walk straight along the hall and sneeze in to my hand, wipe it along the wall. Cough on the Chief and then go and piss in a corner behind the water cooler.

Yep, that'll make me feel more like an adult.

After that I'll curl up on a beanbag in the corridor and snarl at anybody who decides to say anything too loudly.

Give me a break. F***ing Nanny State!

Commentary Annoyance.

2009-05-03T19:08:00.003+01:00

So don't get me wrong. I love these Police, Camera, Action type programs. Pat & Carl are my personal heroes. Well they are.. honest!

Specially because they seem to be able to swear at almost everyone they nick AND they can asp people any time they want.. and when they want backup it turns up by the bucketload! (Probably because every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be on the TV) and on top of that they actually get to go out and do what policing is all about.

BUT.. while these things are all good what the HELL is with that stupid arsed idiot doing the commentary? Why is he such a numpty? Doesn't he have any other sayings? Does he have to assume that everyone wants to be talked to like a complete imbecile? What the hell!

I just find that he sounds so condescending, so annoying, and so bloody mind-numbingly predictable with what he's going to say that it (for me) completely spoils what is going on in those shows. I prefer to watch the ones which he doesn't do the constant babble on.

(And I swear it's the same guy on that stupid home-videos show where they constantly show kids hurting themselves!)

Or is it just the entire genre these days that we need to be commentated to like we are mindless morons?

Oh yeah, I forgot. Of course we do. It's just like we get dictated to by our government, because we ARE mindless morons and we require them to control every part of our lives and our destiny.

/end rant for today.

You did WHAT?

2009-04-30T00:06:00.006+01:00

Picture this:

You are an Area Car driver. You are a highly trained police driver. You are trained to carry out pursuits. You are also a very experienced officer..

So now that you have the idea of who you are... you now get the scene setting phase.

You are pulling on to a dual carriageway down the slip road when you spot a car going through in your direction at high speed, you catch the index plate as your headlights hit back of the vehicle. You start trying to catch up and pass the index that you got.

The vehicle is stolen.

The vehicle is a V8 BMW. Something capable of very high speeds and well, lets just say that your average police car is a gutless diesel and it's overloaded with traffic cones and signs! You keep your distance trying not to spook the driver of the stolen BMW up ahead.

You have been following it for some minutes now across several divisions of Southernshire.

You have not activated your blue lights because you are trying to get other units to come on to the road ahead of your location. You know that if you activate blues then it's all over.

Here goes...

A traffic unit comes steaming up the road behind you..

it goes past you..

the blues have been on all this time..

the BMW ahead of you (remember it's a V8), can see all the blue lights on the traffic car now...

so puts his foot down.......

You stand down because you know there is NO WAY that you can keep up or catch the BMW now all due to incompetence..

Less than a minute later all you hear on the radio is "TOTAL LOSS, TOTAL LOSS"

Great move. Specially considering that the units trying to get ahead of this pursuit were still a minute away from the area they needed to be at.

I talked with the area car driver on the next shift I worked with him. Let's just say that he was very pissed off.

The Great Train Robbery

2009-04-26T00:11:00.004+01:00

Well after a day out in Metro City I must say that fair play to those who can continue to work in that place every day, over crowded, over priced, big, confusing, noisy, dirty and smelly.. And to think I've been considering a transfer. :-)

It is no wonder that there was once a Great Train Robbery. I am convinced that it's the train companies that are the cause of the UK section of the Global Recession... *sigh*

£4 to go from Waterloo to Westminster - One Way!!! (that is 2 stops, and about 10 mins walk I have now learned) Bloody Criminal!!!

Mind you though, I now know which way to walk so the tube has just lost another customer.

I do find it incredibly funny because the GOVERNMENT wants us to be more Environmentally Friendly and use Public Transport..

So I ask this of you Gordon, if you want us to use Public Transport then why the hell is it so bloody expensive you numpty?

I could drive to London for £5 to £10.

It cost me damn near on £30 to use public transport..

If I am not planning on a few beers you can guess how I'll get to Metro City.. and I'll just be sure to add to the congestion by getting a big nasty, dirty, stinky, and muddy four wheel drive to go up there in.... Stick that in ya' pipe and smoke it Gordo'

Further entanglement within the policies...

2009-04-24T12:10:00.002+01:00

This post is in direct response to comments on my last post. Thought that perhaps I could clarify things even further.

I really, really like the phrase "Unresponse car". It makes me laugh. I must remember to use it in polite conversation at work. So here goes..

I'll award 10 points for using it with colleagues.

I'll award 15 points for using it in conversation with a sergeant.

I'll award 25 points for using it in conversation with Inspectors or above...

And of course, 500 points if it can be used on the radio!

Go on, I dare ya!! I'll listen out on my radio channel for anyone resulting a job with the Unresponse Car bit added in.. ;-)

Pursuit policy is one of the funniest, or is that one of the saddest things we have???

Basically.. as an non Area Car driver, once you activate your blue lights, if the car that you are trying to stop fails to do so and actively attempts to make off from you then you are basically stuffed... If you are very lucky and the area car isn't 25 miles away getting a tyre changed, or at workshops having a piece of reflective striping and 3 panels replaced after a pheasant took out a wing mirror then you might be lucky and someone with the ability to pursue the vehicle may turn up before you have lost sight of it (yeah, right!)

If you are very, very lucky a Traffic car might be nearby. Be nice if it was Pat & Carl, they'd just ram it off the road right? Not in Southernshire. We might scratch a police car... So the Traffic car gets STINGER authorised (that's the spike strip thingy right). But strangely, he's the only person able to use STINGER and he's BEHIND the chase.. fat lot of good that is!

Long before he gets close the control room will stand the chase down because it went more than double the local speed limits and as such could endanger lives..

What if the offending vehicle is a motorcycle? Not even allowed to attempt to pursue it! Not even the Traffic car can do that!!!!!! WTF?

Criminal Scum use cars. It's a fact. We all know it.. that's why the roads are so heavily policed in this country. Because criminals use them! That's why we have things like ANPR (Automatic Number Plate Recognition) fitted on big posts around the countryside on major roads, also fitted in to random police cars etc, etc.. soo.... all the criminal scum have to do is drive fast, drive wild.. and the police won't be able to get them, we might know what they are driving, but we can't get them to stop...

Police are subjected to more and more restrictions with every year that passes by.

It is a terrible tragedy when a member of the public (MoP) is injured or heaven forbid killed by a police vehicle which is actively attempting to carry out it's lawful duty. It is definitely right that an investigation should be carried out to make sure that the officer was acting in the correct manner and carrying out his lawful duty, and hat he should have his lights/sirens active if appropriate etc so as to warn the public as best possible, but to restrict the police to not being able to bring criminals to justice is more criminal than the people we are trying to stop.

I swore an oath to uphold the law, yet by following policies I am then breaking that law because I am in direct dereliction of duty right?? after all a criminal is being allowed to get away.

NOW a Scenario.. we all LOVE Scenarios right?

What would you do if........?

........ you were driving down the road and you saw Mr Mugger Senior take a handbag from an old lady, hit her around the head with a baseball bat, push her to the ground, jump in to a sports car and race off................

A. Follow force policies - stop to help the old lady and call in the details of the offending vehicle as it's driving off in to the sunset.

B. Call for an ambulance to attend the scene of the old lady as you can see some MoPs are helping her out and sitting her up, try to follow the offending vehicle and adhering to force policies while it makes off in to the sunset.

C. As per "B" but with one difference. You see the offending vehicle. You are in a fully marked police vehicle and you have seen someone commit a serious arrestable offence, read indictable offence for post 2005. You hit the button for lights and sirens and live out Pat & Carls day time adventures as you chase down Mr Mugger Senior in his sports car, at the very least calling out for a pursuit type vehicle to take over, but at least you are getting his direction of travel and relaying it to those officers to catch up and intercept..

D. Stop, get out, sit in the gutter and cry because it's all too much to comprehend and it's far too complicated as you might have to consider force policies, and is the pension really worth all this hassle?

E. Get up from your desk and say "sorry, what was that on the radio?" Get ignored and go back to your computer account and forever more be known as the Station Cat because you never leave the station.. "well after all, I'm going off duty in 2 hours, I have to de-kit!"

So which do you do?

A, B, C, D, E?

Caught up in policies

2009-04-23T19:47:00.005+01:00

Right, so policies are put together generally speaking for the good of the officers and staff working for Southernshire Constabulary.

So explain to me how does a policy of a police force override the LAWS of the country?

For instance:

•S87 Road Traffic Regulation Act 1984. Exemption of fire brigade, ambulance and police vehicles from speed limits

–No statutory provision imposing a speed limit on motor vehicles shall apply to any vehicle on an occasion when it is being used for fire brigade, ambulance or police purposes, if the observance of that provision would be likely to hinder the use of the vehicle for the purpose for which it is being used on that occasion.

SOURCE:

Emergency Vehicles Exceeding the Speed Limit (the source is only for the correct wording of the legislation)

So why does Southernshire Constabulary limit it's police vehicles?

I do understand the limiting of the drivers who have not completed a "high speed" driving course. However, once that is completed satisfactorily then the driver, who having a higher level of training should then be able to make an appropriate decision to drive "according to the conditions and limitations of the road and vehicle", and likewise to be able to exceed the speed limit but also keep within the confines of "being able to stop in the distance that can be seen to be clear".

So that said... when I'm on blues & twos in my "Response" vehicle I've got to watch the speeds that I am travelling at due to the class of vehicle I am travelling in is limited to only exceeding the speed limit by no more than 20 MPH. While the "Area Car" can travel through the very same road at any speed he likes/considers to be safe. Though I've seen some non-safe driving by Area Car drivers as well..

My problem with his though is that in order to properly concentrate on response driving if I am looking at the speedometer all the time then I am not concentrating on the road conditions, the other drivers, the hazards, etc. I am looking constantly to make sure I do not exceed my speeds. Safety first, or policy first?

Go figure.

Next one....... (back before I was a Response driver)

One of our vans had a flat tyre. This got changed somehow (not really sure how) and the spare was left in the back seat area of the transit van between the cage and the rearward facing seat. It rolled around in there for weeks, then it spend a week or two inside the back door of the station in a small town just outside of Anly-Town.

After another short while it ends up back in the van!

I eventually got completely sick of the fact that NO ONE would take the initiative to put the damned wheel back in it's carrier under the back of the van. So I asked about it. I was told that we weren't ALLOWED to put the spare wheel back!

Instead of driving 25 miles to our APPROVED TYRE FITTER I simply took the van to a local tyre shop and asked one of the guys to put the spare back under the van. (Oh the flat had been repaired). After doing this I asked the guy what the damage was. He told me not to worry about it so I reached in to my pocket and took out about £3 and told him to buy a pint on me and thanked him very much before leaving!

Now recently we had an Area Car off the road for a flat tyre. Ok, it's got run-flats on it.. and apparently some sort of problem with having to get some sensor reset when tyres are changed. So I've asked why the Area Car was abandoned 20 miles away from Anly-Town at yet another of our outlying stations.

I was told that it had a flat.

My comment went something along the lines of: "Why don't we have two or three spare wheels at Anly-Town and if we get a flat tyre we can change it?"

Instead I get the reply that again we aren't allowed to change it.

So there you go, a BMW Area Car off the road for 2 day until someone could be arsed to take it again 25 miles away to get the tyre changed at our APPROVED tyre shop.

So why do we have an APPROVED TYRE SHOP which is 25 miles away when there are about 6 tyre shops in Anly-Town, 3 in each of the other 2 large towns on patch and a couple more on the roads in between?

Once again, Go figure........

I'm confused, that's for sure.

Shooting at the moon.

2009-04-22T20:04:00.000+01:00

Ok, some time back I had a couple of weeks off. I spent that time out on a friends boat on a "fairly" large river which runs right through the middle of another county force area which is somewhere near to Southernshire.

After several lovely days of sun and enjoyment, quite a lot of golden nectar consumed between randomly purchased meals from the banks or oddly cooked things turning up out of the galley we eventually gave up as time had run out and returned to my friends house after spending 5 hours sitting at a broken Lock. Yay!

Now as I've noticed a few others have said.. I am the only Police Constable that most of my friends know as well. So likewise, I get the grillings about whatever the Daily Monologue has been using to slate the police about on any given week. So there we are, standing out the front of my friends house on the side of a fairly big road right in the middle of this their biggest city on patch, you would expect to be fairly well policed and safe......

I'm getting a grilling for about 2 hours of slightly heated debate (which I am enjoying immensely when I get the chance to actually rebut something). My friends dad is a nice guy so I'm putting up with this simply because it's polite to do so and it's fairly good fun for the most of it.

The discussion carries on and all of a sudden I hear 3 or 4 shots fired.

Of course having spent a lot of time around guns as a kid I know that sound of something whizzing past my ear and I hit the deck!

After a few moments I realise the danger has passed, I look up to see everyone else standing up again after having followed my lead...

So I run out to the footpath from the garden hoping to catch the VRM (vehicle registration mark) of the vehicle in question. All I get is that it's a small black hatchback with 3 people and it starts with "R" or something along those lines, it was most certainly doing a lot more than 30 MPH at this point.

Dutifully as a good citizen I start dialing 999. My friend wants to jump in to his car and give chase but I manage to stop him. After all, it's not a police vehicle and I don't want him doing silly things to catch these idiots...

While I'm waiting what seems forever for the 999 call to be answered I walk back in to the garden and see that the "bullets" have hit one of the cars there, and the front of the house.. it is at this point that I see that it was paintball pellets.. so there is paint all over the place.

Oh well, they still shouldn't be doing random drive by shootings!

I expect some sort of a response from the local police force of this county.. I've given them my details. My force details and collar number. The details of the vehicle. The details of my friends who's house and car were damaged. The details of everyone present.......... and yes, I still expect at the very least some sort of a response.

Low and behold we remain chatting out the front of my friends house for another hour.

No police cars drive past. No police cars pull up and say "Hi, are you alright?" No PCSO's stop to check on our welfare. No return phone calls from the police.

I know that in Southernshire as it would've been graded as a Firearms incident at the very least someone would've been despatched to check on our welfare. Strangely my friends told me that no one would turn up, but I didn't believe them.

OMG! OMG! OMG!

2009-04-22T06:23:00.000+01:00

Right, so here's the thing. Being relatively new (or should I say blisteringly new) to this whole blogging thing I'm trying to work out why someone was unable to make an anonymous post on the comments the other day......

But I think I've got it now.

Hopefully now if you want to leave an anonymous comment you can, so please feel free to do so. Though, it'd be nice if your anonymous post had an identifier so that if you leave a lot of anonymous posts I can answer you, even if it's something like "Sierra Oscar Bravo" or something like that.. :-)

I'm flattered by the lovely welcoming comments. Now I really will have to make sure there is something of worth in here, after all, you're watching me!!!

What the hell is it? Surely it's not ANOTHER POLICE BLOG!?!?

2009-04-19T03:46:00.001+01:00

ok so there is a plethora of unhappy Police officers in this country.

It begs the thought (or does it) of WHY these police officers are unhappy...........

So the next thought that follows this is usually... "who gives a toss?" shortly followed by.. "should we have a kebab?"

But in reality the police who are unhappy are generally unhappy for a very good reason. Basically because we are the good guys who go out day in, day out, we try to do our very best to protect and serve YOU the public and to uphold the LAWS as we SWORE to do.. To protect the Queens Peace, as we SWORE to do, and to uphold FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS as we SWORE to do..

Damn, you'd think we swore our lives away.

So. Why are we unhappy?

Because YOU the public are told very little about what is really going on.

We do a good job.. You aren't told about it. We make the tiniest mistake.. the Daily Mail tears us a new rectum. But the Home Orifice stays silent and lets us become cannon fodder as long as it fits THEIR agenda........

Food for thought?

Join this blog as one Southernshire Constable starts to share his journey through his long and sordid career in the likes of "Area Trace No Search" of the illustrious METropolis City Police and of course "Inspector Gadget" of Ruralshire Constabulary.. I know one of these two bloggers personally and I am pretty sure I've met the other once or twice.. after all, like minds tend to gather at the oddest places around water coolers.

So I start this thought with the question...

2009-04-19T03:18:00.000+01:00

What would Ray Mears do?

I often ask this question of myself when I'm pondering just how to bring about the destruction of my farce, ooops, sorry, my force, or at least to be able to tell the public the often misled truth of how under staffed, over worked, short changed, and shoddy your police actually are in this once "Great" Britain.

Oh, and no.. I'm yet another foreign person who's joined the police in this country and wants to go home.. but hey, in the meantime I'll entertain myself, and hopefully tell YOU some of the home truths that our masters leave OUT of the press releases.

Oh yeah...

Ray would've managed to build a raft out of a Liana vine which was magically hanging from the treetops where the strange space item had crashed through. He would've attached it to the back of the Landrover Defender which had shoddy road tyres on it. He would've managed to get the entire thing off the ground, suspended with a half-hitch type knot.. and he would've used it as a trap for wayward bears which had come to visit from Alaska and which were masquerading as Eskimos. On top of that he of course would've built a fire to cook said bear meat and he would've done that by using an ASP to rub against the rough edge of a pair of Magnums and create enough friction to cause the Landrover Defender to catch fire and as such cause a little chain reaction and well... you know what comes next.. a smug grin, a sly sideways wink at the camera.. and we can all lay back in our hammocks and enjoy the warmth with a glass of cold gooey bear blood.